Have Faith In Me
by kaitouahiru
Summary: The first seal broke because Dean spilt the blood of an angel in Hell. Castiel took the memories of what Dean did to him away from him when he raised him from Hell. Warnings and full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Castiel left a part of Dean in Hell on purpose… because that part of Dean had tortured him. Castiel had not been happy with Dean. Those looks of longing were real but the anger and dismissal Castiel showed him covered up the fear that he held.

**Warnings: Major spoilers for Season 4, rape and angst, Dean has a dark soul, different ending than season 4 though**

If you are not one for rape and angst scenes (I know I'm not), skip the italics and/or the first chapter entirely. The story will still be readable without it.

I have never written anything like this before (still can't believe I did) so I am going to write and see where this goes!

Basically, after this chapter until the last few episodes, this story will follow the transcripts of season four. Castiel's thoughts will be explored more as we go through the story. Thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

* * *

Amelia walked in with the groceries. She was tired and she just wanted to get back home to her family. She expected Jimmy to be on the couch or Claire's room to be a mess. What she didn't expect was for Jimmy's arm to be in a large, boiling pot of water. She dropped her groceries to the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded.

He held out his hand that wasn't in the boiling pot of water. "It's okay, I'm okay."

"Jimmy," she said.

"Look," he took his hand out of the pot.

"What's wrong with you?

"Nothing's wrong. He asked me to do it,"

"Who asked you to do it?" Amelia asked, scared of the way Jimmy was looking at his hand in wonder.

"Castiel. To prove my faith, look. I'm fine. It's a miracle," Jimmy said.

"Who's Castiel?" she asked.

* * *

"Take the pills," Amelia said.

"I'm not sick," Jimmy said.

"Jimmy, take the pills," Amelia pleaded again.

"I know that this is hard to understand, but he chose me," Jimmy said. Tears began streaming down his wife's face.

"Castiel the angel," she stated.

"He's spoken to me now Ames, a dozen times. Hey, you believe in god don't you?" Jimmy asked.

"What kind of question is that? Of course," Amelia crossed her arms.

"And angels?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes, Jimmy," Amelia sighed, exasperated.

"So, why is it then so hard for you to believe that they're talking to me?" Jimmy asked.

"Jimmy, you sell ad time for AM radio," she said.

"No, he said that I'm special, that it's in my blood," Jimmy said.

"What does that mean, it's in your blood? Huh?" Amelia asked.

"He didn't say, just that God has chosen me for a higher purpose," Jimmy shrugged.

"To do what?" Amelia asked.

"It's God's will, not really my place to question it," Jimmy said. Amelia approached the couch he was sitting on and he took her hands into his as she sat down with him. He took the pills and set them down. "This is a blessing. This is the most important thing to ever happen to me."

"I thought _we_ were the most important things to ever happen to you," Amelia said.

"Hey, have faith," Jimmy said.

"Jimmy, you're scaring me," Amelia said.

"God will provide," Jimmy said.

"If you won't take your pills and if you won't get help than I'm going to take Claire to my mother's in the morning," she got off of the couch, going up the stairs. She was rightfully upset. Who was the man down there? Where was the man she married- loved? She didn't want to leave him but she had to protect her daughter… and herself.

Jimmy sat on the couch longer, sitting in stunned silence. After awhile, he got up, putting on a trench coat before he walked outside.

"So, I wanna help you. I'm about to lose my...my family here, if you don't tell me how. Please Castiel, talk to me. What do you want from me?" he demanded. A bright light appeared over Jimmy's head.

"**Are you listening?" Castiel asked.**

"Yes, I'm listening!" Jimmy said.

"**Let me use your body. Be my vessel,"**

"Promise my family will be okay and I'll do it," Jimmy said.

"**I promise,"**

"Then yes!" The light spiraled around Jimmy making his coat billow out behind him. He looked up into the light, and then it disappeared. Castiel closed and opened his fist, looking at his vessel's body. A door opens behind him.

"Daddy?" Castiel tilted his head to the side, looking at the girl.

"I am not your father,"

* * *

"_Save Dean Winchester," that was the order and so Castiel obeyed. He and his brothers laid siege to Hell. "Do whatever it takes to rescue him." Castiel had never questioned in his entire existence. He wasn't about to start now._

_But that was when he had heard the order. He had never been in this position before._

"_An angel, huh? You guys do a horrible job at protecting people," Castiel's heart- Jimmy heart- slammed in his- the vessel's chest. He opened the vessel's eyes. The man before him… the man before him wasn't a thing of beauty. The scars and blood on his body repulsed not only Castiel but Jimmy as well. He would have been handsome if the blood and scars were gone but they were there, on the man's skin, marring perfection._

_The soul before him was far from the beauty it had had when he was alive. _

"_Dean," the name escaped the vessel's lips. Dean looked surprised. His hands tightened, drawing Castiel's attention to the whip in his hand. Jimmy's heart skipped beat and his mouth went dry._

"_What's your name?" Dean asked._

"_Castiel," he answered. Dean didn't acknowledge he heard him but Castiel knew he had._

"_Aren't you pretty? You're not my usual type but…" Dean's eyes roamed up and down his vessel's body. "I think I'll make an acceptation." The vessel's eyes widened. Even though he felt fear, the body- Castiel- was reacting. It wasn't Jimmy that was responding. It was Castiel._

'_I didn't sign up for this,' Jimmy said, voice filled with panic._

'_I know. I didn't either. I'm sorry,' Castiel closed his eyes briefly._

'_Get out! Let me go home!' Jimmy pleaded._

'_If I leave, you will be left to fend for yourself. I'm not leaving you,' Castiel asserted firmly._

'_I-you- we're going to be raped,' Jimmy said weakly. Castiel didn't want to face what was coming alone but he had promised Jimmy he'd protect his family. Castiel was far from fragile. He would protect Jimmy from this._

'_Not you and not we. Me,' Castiel closed his eyes again, not wanting to see Dean preparing for the torture he would bestow on Castiel. _

'_What? Castiel- you're a virgin! No!' Jimmy said. 'I can handle it. Just-'_

'_The order was for me to do whatever it took to save Dean Winchester. Not you. Even I do suppress myself, we will both still be defiled. I promised you I'd keep your family from harm. This would only hurt them. Let me do this,' Castiel said._

'_Cass… you're a virgin,' Jimmy said helplessly. 'I don't think he's going to prepare you.' Castiel looked at what Dean was doing. The man was stripping his shirt off, leaving his pants on- for the time being._

'_I am an angel of the Lord. I am not hurt so easily,' Castiel assured Jimmy- but it seemed like he was trying to reassure himself to both of them._

'_Castiel-'_

'_Let me do this for you. If nothing else good comes from this, let me know I could protect you from this,' Castiel said. Jimmy hesitated, unsure. 'Jimmy, let me follow my orders. Let me keep my promise… think of your wife and daughter.' Jimmy didn't answer and Castiel feared for a terrifying moment that he'd say no._

'_Cass, it's still my body. It's going to be defiled anyways so-'_

'_You will not be able to go back to your wife without guilt. Give me ownership of the body until this is over,' Castiel said._

'_Okay… okay… just, try and relax,' Jimmy said and Castiel could feel Jimmy withdrawing deeper into the body, letting Castiel's grace further inhabit the body. Castiel's eyes opened when he felt a hand touching him, removing the layers of clothing he had on. The shirt was being unbuttoned and Dean was greedily taking in the expanse of skin he was seeing._

"_You do not have to do this," Castiel said._

"_Where would be the fun in that?" Dean asked, avoiding looking into the angel's eyes. _

"_If you are going to rape me, do me the courtesy of looking into my eyes," Castiel said._

"_I don't have to give you any kind of damn courtesy," Dean hissed, biting Castiel's neck harshly. Castiel bit his lip so he wouldn't cry out. "But I'll be damned if I'm not going to do you- oh wait, I already am." Castiel felt the cold air hit his lower areas as his pants and underwear were taken off._

"_I came here to pull you out of Perdition," Castiel said. Dean hesitated, looking into Castiel's eyes- only for a brief second but it was enough. Castiel knew what was wrong with Dean. Since being in the pit, Dean had changed. Or more accurately, Dean's soul had changed. It was black._

_Dean stood in front of him, completely naked and standing proudly erect in front of Castiel- in more ways than one. _

"_Don't do this, Dean. This isn't you," Castiel said._

"_You don't know me," Dean snapped. "Don't pretend to." He shoved a finger up Castiel's hole and the angel screamed, his eyes tearing up. He bit his lips, knees bending. He'd be on the floor if he wasn't being held up by chains. _

_He could see Dean's eyes darken with lust but then lighten with awareness. _

"_You're a-"Dean's voice shook but he recovered quickly, voice hardening with what Castiel believed was lust. "You're a virgin. You're a fucking virgin." Castiel could feel Dean's erection press up against him. He knew he wasn't bleeding yet- it took a lot more than what was happening so far to make an angel bleed._

"_Aren't you a kinky bastard?" Dean asked, grasping Castiel's erection. Castiel moaned, arching into the hunter's hand. "Well, sweetheart, I'm going to have fun with you…"_

"_Dean, don't do this," Castiel said._

"_Don't?" Dean asked. "I think you want it, little whore. I'm going to defile-" Dean cut himself off, the green of his eyes shifting from light to dark as the sides of his souls fought for supremacy. Dean lowered himself to his knees, using lust to distract himself from the hard fight. He forced Castiel to turn around, shoving him again the wall. He spread Castiel's legs and shoved his tongue into Castiel's hole. Castiel shouted out in surprise and tried to escape the feeling. _

"_Dean!" Castiel moaned, struggling against Dean's tongue thrusting in and out of his hole. "Dean!" Castiel was torn between choosing pleasure and crying- pleasure because of Dean's tongue and crying because of the burning sensation and the defiling. He just didn't know which emotion to choose. Having never felt the emotions bombarding him without Jimmy sheltering him, everything was heightened._

"_Dean!" Castiel screamed, feeling two fingers enter him. "Stop!" Dean's fingers stopped moving inside of him. He was sobbing now, scared of what was happening. Would this defilement cause him to fall? Would he be punished for being touched by a human- for liking being touched by this human? Dean's fingers brushed something inside of him and he screamed, witness to his first orgasm. His knees gave out and Dean caught him so that the chains weren't the only thing holding him up. "Dean… let me save you… just release me…" Dean's fingers shoved up harshly and Castiel stifled a shout, panting heavily._

"_Shut up and do as you're told," Dean hissed. He pulled Castiel's wrists together, tying them harshly with rope. He released Castiel from the chains and the angel shook trying to stand up. Dean forced him down onto his knees._

"_Suck," Dean ordered. Castiel averted his head, looking away from Dean's dick. Dean grabbed Castiel by the hair and jerked, making Castiel grunt in pain._

"_I said suck," Dean said. "Don't make me repeat myself again." Castiel looked defiantly up at Dean, glaring at him._

"_I promise you, Dean Winchester, when I pull you out of Hell…" Castiel hissed. "I will make sure this part of you is left behind." Dean slapped him, sending him to the floor. He grabbed Castiel by his hair again and brought the breaking angel to the level of his dick._

"_Listen to me!" but the voice coming out of Dean's mouth wasn't harsh. Castiel looked up, seeing Dean's jade green eyes. It was begging Castiel to do as the black side of his soul ordered. Castiel's mouth watered at the sight, his body reacting to Dean's purer side of his soul._

"_Have faith in me," Castiel whispered before engulfing his cock. He could tell when the darker side of Dean's soul took over because the hunter began thrusting harshly into Castiel's mouth, making the angel gag. _

_He fell forward onto his bound hands when Dean pulled back, letting him breath air. He tried to move backwards, appalled when he felt Dean's cum cover him. He felt the substance drape onto his wings- his wings. Castiel sat in shocked, appalled silence with the knowledge that not only he was defiled, but his wings were defiled too. He cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain when he felt a sharp whip to his bottom. The whip was secured firmly in Dean's hand. _

"_Dean!" _

"_Come on, angel, we're just getting started," Dean smirked. Castiel swallowed and tensed when he felt the handle of the whip connect with his butt. Eventually, the spanking to his bottom switched between that and whippings on his back. Castiel cried out as he felt the harshness of the whip connect with his back._

_But he still wasn't bleeding._

_Dean grabbed his forearm and shoved him backwards against the wall before pushing harshly into him. Castiel cried out, tears escaping. He could feel the blood drip down his legs. He began sobbing, hiding his head from Dean. He felt a soft hand touch his cheek and he looked back at Dean, the Dean who was struggling to keep him from pain, the Dean he was sent to rescue him._

"_Have faith in me," Dean whispered. Castiel bit his lip, burying his head in the crook of Dean's arm that the hunter was using to give himself leverage. He gave into the feelings that Dean was giving him with a sick feeling in his gut._

"_Dean!"_

_**And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds the blood of an angel in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings: Major spoilers for Season 4, rape and angst, Dean has a dark soul, different ending than season 4 though**

**The rest of the chapters from here on out will mostly stay at T for awhile… maybe, I make no promises about that but this one is rated T.**

Thank you Manifestation of a Storyteller, RosesandThorns666, and Shadow Cat17 for reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

I put up notices when the chapter changes episodes. The scenes I put up usually inclue Castiel and I put his thoughts into the chapters. So the scenes jump around.

* * *

**4.02 Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean Winchester**

Castiel didn't announce his presence to Dean. He knew that Dean would wake up soon enough. He would be able to feel his presence. Sam was fast asleep on the couch. Dean lay on a couch opposite and Castiel knew the second he woke up. Dean got up to find Castiel. He checked on Sam, and once he was positive his brother was alright, he walked to join Castiel in the kitchen.

"Excellent job with the witnesses," Castiel said. He was leaning against a counter. It wasn't because he was relaxing or because he was lazy. It was because of all the scars he had been dealt during Dean's defilement of him and when he had healed Dean's scars- and put them on his grace. He had tried to keep the damage from Jimmy's body by keeping the scars on his grace, hoping they would heal quickly. The scars did the opposite, branding him and his vessel. Dean's scars seemed to react to Castiel, wanting the grace and so they had infused themselves onto Castiel, refusing to go to Jimmy even if Castiel had allowed that.

The only thing that didn't ache was the hole Dean had punctured. It had been Jimmy's body that had been violated and Castiel had been able to heal it.

"You were hip to all this?" Dean demanded.

"I was, uh, made aware," Castiel answered.

"Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance. You know, I almost got my heart ripped out of my chest," Dean said. Castiel's hands clenched in to fists. He didn't owe Dean anything, let alone assistance- if anything, _Dean_ owed _him_.

_Castiel felt tears running down his vessels- _his-_ face. His knees buckled as Dean spilled his seed into him, having sated Castiel only seconds earlier. Castiel winced when Dean pulled out of him. He fell to his knees when Dean stopped supporting him, walking away from him in favor of the torturing table. His heart began to speed up when he saw Dean dip a hand in hot coal. The coal wouldn't burn Dean- or at least, Dean wouldn't feel the burn- because his soul still belonged to Hell._

"But you didn't," he said, forcing himself to remain calm.

"I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos - You know, Michael Landon. Not dicks," Dean said.

"Read the bible. Angels are warriors of god. I'm a soldier," Castiel retorted.

"Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?" Dean demanded. Castiel glared at him. He had fought. He had fought Dean in Hell when the soul refused to let him leave with him. He fought Dean when he raped him. He had fought against his nature when Dean had entered him. Castiel had had more than his share of fighting. He was walking around defiled, buried in his own shame. Even his wings, wings he had once showed off proudly, were defiled.

All because of the man before him.

"I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns," Castiel snapped.

"Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here! And, by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God?" Dean asked.

"There's a god," Castiel stated firmly.

"I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a god, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?" Dean demanded. Dean was upset, Castiel could tell.

"The lord works-"

"If you say 'mysterious ways,' so help me, I will kick your ass," Castiel threw his hands up, exasperated. What more did this man want from him? He had his virginity- the virginity of an _angel_. It wasn't even completely his virginity. It had been Jimmy's body and Jimmy had never been with a man. He had defiled Castiel in a body that wasn't his to give. He had an angel rescue him from Hell. What more could he ask of Castiel? "So, Bobby was right... About the witnesses…This is some kind of a... sign of the apocalypse."

"That's why we're here. Big things afoot," Castiel said.

"Do I want to know what kind of things?" Dean asked.

"I sincerely doubt it, but you need to know. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals," Castiel said.

"Okay. I'm guessing that's not a show at Sea World," Dean said.

"Those seals are being broken by Lilith," Castiel elaborated.

"She did the spell. She rose the witnesses," Dean said.

"Mm-hmm. And not just here. 20 other hunters are dead," Castiel answered.

"Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save So that they would barrel right after us," Dean sneered.

"Lilith has a certain sense of humor," Castiel said.

"Well, we put those spirits back to rest," Dean said.

"It doesn't matter. The seal was broken," Castiel shot him down. What about his spirit? Did Dean care that he had almost broken the angel? _Would_ Dean care if he found out? Castiel immediately rid himself of the thought. He couldn't put more pressure on Dean now. Dean had enough to worry about.

'He wouldn't have to worry if he hadn't raped you,' Jimmy said bitterly.

"Why break the seal anyway?" Dean asked.

"You think of the seals as locks on a door," Castiel explained.

"Okay. Last one opens and...?"

"Lucifer walks free," Castiel said.

"Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at demon Sunday school. There's no such thing," Dean said, rejecting the thought. Castiel raised an eyebrow. Even Jimmy, buried deep inside of him, who hadn't had anything positive since Castiel had taken him as a vessel, was torn between laughing and slapping Dean. The man had spent four months in Hell and he really believed there was no such thing as the Devil?

"Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now, for the first time in 2,000 years?" Castiel asked.

"To stop Lucifer," Dean said.

"That's why we've arrived" Castiel answered

"Well... bang up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice," Dean said. Castiel felt Jimmy's annoyance bubble up inside him but he pushed it back down.

'How can you be so calm?' Jimmy hissed.

"We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in," He felt satisfaction bubble up inside him at seeing Dean's fear.

_Castiel took advantage of Dean's lack of guard. He ran forward and caught Dean's hand, linking the one that had touched the coal with his own. Castiel felt it burn but he reached into the pot to grab a handful, making sure his hand was going to burn._

"_I'm going to leave this part of you in Hell!" Castiel snarled, using the hand in the pot to grab Dean's arm as he began the ascent out of Hell. He felt Dean fighting as he reached into Dean's soul to shove the pieces apart. He felt those in Hell trying to reach back for him. His hand tightened around Dean's arm, making sure the blacker side of Dean's soul recoiled. He made sure to infuse his grace into the mark, working to restore Dean's body as they ascended. _

'Atta boy, Cass,' Jimmy praised but the man's voice was getting weaker. It was not as strong as it had once been. Jimmy was beginning to fade, being chained to him like he was.

Castiel left then, leaving Dean alone in the kitchen.

* * *

**4.03 In the Beginning**

Watching Dean sleep- any human sleep- was an interesting experience for Castiel. Knowing that Dean had nightmares pleased him in some sick, twisted way. He didn't like the way he felt. He was an angel of the Lord. He wasn't supposed to take pleasure in his charge's pain. He was torn between wanting to stop the dream and wanting it to continue. There was a sick, twisted part of him that wanted Dean to know what he had done.

'You can blame it all on me,' Jimmy said. 'I think he deserves it.' Castiel didn't answer his vessel.

"Hello Dean. What were _you _dreaming about?"

"What do you get your freak on by watching other people sleep? What do you want?"

"Listen to me. You have to stop it," Castiel said.

"Stop what?" Dean asked.

Castiel put two fingers to Dean's forehead, sending him back in time.

* * *

Castiel appeared next to Dean in the car that Dean had stolen.

"So what? God's my copilot, is that it?" Dean demanded. Castiel didn't really understand Dean's reference. But if he understood a little, he was wondering what his father had been thinking. Why wait so late to save Dean Winchester? Why send _him_?

Castiel gave him a look and Dean glanced over at him again.

"Well, you're a regular chatty Kathy. Tell me something, Sam would have wanted in on this, why not bring him back?" Dean asked.

"You had to do this alone, Dean," Castiel answered him.

"And you don't care that he's tearing up the future looking for me right now?" Dean asked.

"Sam's not looking for you," Castiel stated.

"Alright, if I do this, then the family curse breaks right? Mom and Dad live happily ever after, and- and, Sam and I grow up playing little league and chasing tail?" Dean asked.

"You realize, if you do alter the future, your father, you, Sam, you'll never become hunters. And all those people you saved, they'll die," Castiel said.

"I realize," Dean nodded.

"And you don't care?" Castiel asked.  
"Oh, I care. I care a lot, but these are my parents, I'm not gonna let them die again. I can't, no, not if I can stop it," Dean said firmly. He chose that moment to look over but Castiel had left.

'Castiel?' Jimmy inquired. 'You okay?' The angel had taken them somewhere unknown to Jimmy. It was high- a mountain, and they had a very pretty view. But Jimmy was willing to bet that Castiel wasn't concentrating on the view.

'You're in love with him,' Jimmy whispered. Castiel's grace recoiled from Jimmy.

"I am not in love with Dean," Castiel said aloud. Jimmy remained silent. They both knew that Castiel was trying to convince himself just that. Castiel shut his eyes. He felt Jimmy trying to figure out a way to comfort him somehow. He stood up, knowing that there was nothing that could comfort him in this situation.

Dean jerked awake, looking over to see Castiel standing near the foot of his bead. He sat up straight, putting his legs over the side of the bed. He looked sad and disappointed. Castiel didn't need to look at Dean. He could feel the emotions radiating off of Dean.

"I couldn't stop any of it. She still made the deal. She still died in the nursery didn't she?" Dean asked.

"Don't be too hard on yourself. You couldn't have stopped it," Castiel said.

"What?" Dean demanded.

"Destiny can't be changed Dean, all roads lead to the same destination," Castiel said.

"Then why'd you send me back?" Dean demanded.

"For the truth, now you know everything we do," Castiel said. '_"Aren't you pretty? You're not my usual type but…" Dean's eyes roamed up and down his vessel's body. "I think I'll make an acceptation."' _Castiel closed his eyes briefly, trying to push down the memories that sprung up._ '"Dean!" Castiel moaned, struggling against Dean's tongue thrusting in and out of his hole. "Dean!" Castiel was torn between choosing pleasure and crying- pleasure because of Dean's tongue and crying because of the burning sensation and the defiling.'_

It wasn't a lie. "We" didn't know what Dean had done to Castiel.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Dean's voice brought Castiel back to reality and the angel opened his eyes gratefully.

"We know what Azazel did to your brother, what we don't know is why, what his endgame is. He went to great lengths to cover that up," Castiel said.

"Where's Sam?" Dean demanded.

"425 Waterman,"

Dean moved towards the door, grabbing his keys and his jacket.

"Your brother is headed down a dangerous road Dean, and we're not sure where it leads, so stop it. Or we will," Castiel ordered. Castiel could see the chills running down Dean's spine as the hunter took into account what he said.

'I can't be in love with someone I want to… see suffer,' Castiel told Jimmy.

'Cass… he raped you. _Anyone _would want the person who defiled them to suffer… even an angel,' Jimmy said sadly. "Maybe… _especially _an angel."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

Thanks evanescenceangel18 and Shadow Cat17 for reviewing!

I tried to make the transitions within this chapter as smooth as I could so there's some extra scenes in here that aren't Castiel centric. So we haven't gotten to the part where Dean finds out about himself raping Castiel... we're getting there, slowly but surely.

Please read and review!

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* * *

4.04 Metamorphosis

Sam was sitting at the table, reading a book. He looked up when he heard the Impala pull up. Dean walked in and didn't look at Sam. Sam stood up when Dean entered. Dean grabbed his bag and began packing his stuff. Sam walked over to him.

"Dean, what are you doing?" Sam asked. Dean ignored him and continued packing. "What, are you, are you leaving?" Sam asked.

"You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons," Dean snapped. He grabbed his bag and made his way to the door. Sam blocked his way.

"Hold on. Dean, come on, man," Sam said. Dean turned around and punched him in the face with his right hand. Sam stumbled backwards by the force. Dean had always had a good punch. Dean just watched him as Sam turned back around to Dean.

"You satisfied?" Sam grunted. Dean hit him again, and then threw his bag on the floor. Sam touched his bleeding lip, wincing at the pain. "I guess not."

"Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? _From human_?" Dean demanded.

"I'm just exorcising demons," Sam said.

"_With your mind_!" Dean shouted. "What _else _can you do?"

"I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it," Sam said. Dean grabbed a hold of him and pushed him backwards.

"What else can you do?" Dean demanded.

"I _told _you!" Sam said. Sam pushed his hand away, and they glared at each other.

"And I have every reason in the world to believe that," Dean said sarcastically. He began to walk away from Sam.

"Look, I should have said something," Sam said. Dean stopped with his back still to Sam. "I'm sorry, Dean. I am. But try to see the other side here." Dean turned around and faced him.

"'The other side'?" Dean repeated.

"I'm pulling demons out of innocent people," Sam said.

"Use the knife!" Dean protested.

"The knife _kills_ the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the _last five months_ than we save in a _year_," Sam said.

"That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers?" Dean demanded, shaking his head. "Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends."

"I'm not gonna let it go too far," Sam insisted.

Dean smiled at that. He walked over to the wall and hit the lamp on the side table, making it crash and fly. Dean looked angry again.

"It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you," Dean said. Sam's eyes got teary. He nodded and looked down. "And so would other hunters."

Sam looked up at him, "You were _gone_. I was _here_. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works."

"Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me?" Sam looked down with that. "Why did an _angel _tell me to stop you?" Sam looked up, surprised.

"What?" he said.

"Cass said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?" Dean demanded.

'_"I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns,"' _What Castiel had told Dean wasn't necessarily true. Castiel did peak in on the brothers when he felt Dean was particularly distressed. He didn't perch, per se. He merely checked in because he was worried. Dean's more brutal emotions had a way of finding their way to Castiel.

'You're in love with him,' Jimmy insisted.

'I am not in love with him!' Castiel snapped. 'Now hush.'

'Cass-'

'I am older than you are, James Novak. I have seen things you can't even conceive of. I have seen _millions_ of years of what you have seen in these past few months. I think I would know if I were in love with someone,' Castiel said.

'Are you going to throw me in Hell too, Cass?' Jimmy asked.

'You are not going to Hell. You will rest in God's loving arms,' Castiel said confidently. Jimmy just sighed.

* * *

**4.07 It's the Great Pumpkin, Sam Winchester**

Sam entered the motel room first. Seeing someone in there he didn't recognize, he drew the shot gun out.

"Who are you?" he demanded. Dean rushed in to stop his brother.

"Sam! Sam, wait! It's Castiel," Dean put his hand on Sam's gun and pushed it down. Sam stood there stunned. "The angel." He spotted another figure in the room, standing by the window. "Him, I don't know." Sam looked at Castiel in wonder.

"Hello Sam," Castiel said. He knew instantly that Dean would know he was in the room before knowing him. His eyes landed on Dean, hoping Dean could understand what he was thinking without words. 'Father, let him save this town.' He would have been able to tell Sam and Dean apart even if he hadn't seen Dean's body. If he just concentrated on the souls, he would have been able to pick Dean's soul out if he was in China. He'd know Dean's soul anywhere.

'I don't think its because he's the 'Righteous Man,' Jimmy teased.

'Dean's soul is beautiful,' Castiel answered.

'Dean is right about you- you are socially awkward,' Jimmy grumbled.

'Dean has never called me socially awkward,' Castiel said to which Jimmy just groaned.

"Oh my God- er- uh- I didn't mean to- sorry. It's an honor, really, I- I've heard a lot about you," Sam said. Sam stepped forward and held out his hand to shake Castiel's. Dean rolled his eyes and went to close the door to their room. Castiel looked at Sam's hand, unsure what to do with it. Sam shook his own a little.

'Shake his hand,' Jimmy said. Castiel hesitantly put his right hand in Sam's.

"And I, you. Sam Winchester. The boy with the demon blood," Castiel said. "Glad to see you've ceased your… extracurricular activities."

"Let's keep it that way," the man by the window said.

"Yeah, okay, chuckles," Dean glared at him and then looked back at Castiel. "Who's your friend?"

"The raising of Samhain, have you stopped it?" he asked instead. Dean would not like Uriel. Uriel would just make dealing with Dean more difficult. Castiel didn't want to have to deal with a difficult Dean- well, a _more_ difficult Dean. Dean was already being difficult.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"Dean, have you located the witch?" Castiel tried again.

"Yes, we've located the witch," Dean answered.

"And is the witch dead?" Castiel asked.

"No, but-" Sam began.

"We know who it is," Dean interrupted.

'Someone knows how to speak angel; straight and to the point,' Jimmy chimed in.

Castiel walked over to the table by the bed. "Apparently the witch knows who you are too." He picked up a hex bag and showed it to them. "This was inside the wall of your room. If we hadn't found it, surely one or both of you would be dead. Do you know where the witch is now?"

The brothers exchanged a look and Dean answered. "We're working on it."

"That's unfortunate," Castiel said.

"What do you care?" Dean snapped.

"The raising of Samhain is one of the 66 seals," Castiel answered.

"So this is about your buddy Lucifer," Dean said.

"Lucifer is no friend of ours," Uriel said.

"It's just an expression," Dean said.

"Lucifer cannot rise, the breaking of the seal must be prevented at all costs," Castiel said.

"Okay, great, well now that you're here, why don't you tell us where the witch is, we'll gank her and everybody goes home," Dean said.

"We are not omniscient, this witch is very powerful, she's cloaked even our methods," Castiel said.

"Okay, well we already know who she is, so if we work together-" Sam said.

"Enough of this," Uriel interrupted.

"Okay, who are you and why should I care?" Dean demanded. Uriel turned from the window to face Dean.

"This is Uriel," Castiel said. "He's what you might call a…specialist." Uriel walked towards them.

"What kind of specialist? What are you gonna do?" Dean demanded.

"You- uh, both of you, you need to leave this town immediately," Castiel said, remembering Sam at the last minute. Dean and Sam. There was a "Sam" in the picture now. It was no longer just "Dean." It was "Dean and Sam" now.

"Why?" Dean asked.

"Because we're about to destroy it," Castiel said, closing his eyes, knowing what the brothers- even though he had never met Sam before- would think. 'Let them choose to save this town.'

"So this is your plan, you're gonna smite the whole friggin' town?" Dean demanded.

"We're out of time, this witch has to die, the seal must be saved," Castiel insisted.

"There are a thousand people here," Sam protested.

"One thousand two hundred fourteen," Uriel said. Castiel sucked in a breath. That was definitely not the way to go.

"And you're willing to kill them all?" Sam demanded.

"This isn't the first time I've…purified a city," Uriel said.

"Look, I understand this is regrettable," Castiel said.

"Regrettable?" Dean demanded.

"We have to hold the line; too many seals have broken already," Castiel said.

"So you screw the pooch on some seals and this town has to pay the price?" Dean demanded.

"It's the lives of _one thousand_ against the lives of _six billion_, there's a bigger picture here," Castiel snapped.

"Right, cause you're bigger picture kind of guys," Dean snorted.

"Lucifer cannot rise, he does and hell rises with him. Is that something that you're willing to risk?" Castiel demanded.

"We'll stop this witch before she summons anyone. Your seal won't be broken and no one has to die," Sam offered.

"We're wasting time with these mud monkeys," Uriel snapped.

Castiel turned away from Dean to Uriel, "I'm sorry, but we have our orders."

"No, you can't do this, you're angels, I mean aren't you supposed to- you're supposed to show mercy," Sam said in disbelief.

"Says who?" Uriel sneered.

"We have no choice," Castiel said.

"Of course you have a choice, I mean, come on, what? You've never questioned a crap order, huh? What are you both just a couple of hammers?" Dean demanded.

"Look, even if you can't understand it, have faith, the plan is just," Castiel snapped.

"How can you even say that?" Sam demanded.

"Because it comes from heaven, that makes it just," Castiel glared._ 'Dean grabbed his forearm and shoved him backwards against the wall before pushing harshly into him. Castiel cried out, tears escaping. He could feel the blood drip down his legs.'_ What was just now? Was what was done to him _just_?

"Oh, it must be nice, to be so sure of yourselves," Dean said. Castiel turned his attention to Dean. He swallowed slightly. He had to believe that heaven's orders were just. His sacrifice _had_ to have meant something.

"Tell me something Dean, when your father gave you an order, didn't you obey?" Castiel asked.

"Well sorry boys, looks like the plans have changed," Dean said.

"You think you can stop us?" Uriel asked. Dean walked over to Uriel so he could stand face to face with the angel.

"No, but if you're gonna smite this whole town, then you're gonna have to smite us with it, because we are not leaving. See, you went to the trouble of busting me out of hell, I figure I'm worth something to the man upstairs. So you wanna waste me, go ahead, see how he digs that," Dean smirked. Castiel resisted the urge to smile.

"I will drag you out of here myself," Uriel threatened.

"Yeah, but you'll have to kill me, then we're back to the same problem. I mean, come on, you're gonna wipe out a whole town for one little witch. Sounds to me like you're compensating for something," Dean said and then he turned his attention back to Castiel. "We can do this. We will find that witch and we will stop the summoning."

"Castiel! I will not let these peop-" Uriel said.

Castiel held up his hand at Uriel. "Enough!" He stared at Dean for a moment. "I suggest you move quickly." Relief flooded through him as he looked at Dean.

'Thank you,' he thought, directing his thoughts to Dean.

'You're falling in love,' Jimmy said. Castiel's lips parted slightly and Jimmy had the feeling that if Castiel had responded, he would have said, "maybe."

* * *

"The decision's been made," Castiel said. Uriel laughed.

"By a mud monkey," he said.

"You shouldn't call them that," Castiel said.

"Ah, it's what they are, savages, just plumbing on two legs," Uriel said.

"You're close to blasphemy," Castiel warned with a sharp glance. "There's a reason we were sent to save him. He has potential. He may succeed here." '_He felt a soft hand touch his cheek and he looked back at Dean, the Dean who was struggling to keep him from pain, the Dean he was sent to rescue him. "Have faith in me," Dean whispered. Castiel bit his lip, burying his head in the crook of Dean's arm that the hunter was using to give himself leverage.'_

"At any rate, it's out of our hands,' Castiel said, sitting on the park bench with a sigh.

"It doesn't have to be," Uriel grumbled.

"And what would you suggest?" Castiel asked.

"That we drag Dean Winchester out of here and then we blow this insignificant pinprick off the map," Uriel said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You know our true orders. Are you prepared to disobey?" Castiel asked. Uriel just gave him a look and Castiel knew he had won. He knew he had helped Dean, even if it was something small.

'You love him,' Jimmy said.

'I love all my father's creations,'

'And he's included. You love him,'

'Why are you trying to convince me of this?' Castiel asked.

'Because it hurts you to not admit it,' Jimmy said.

* * *

_One Day After Halloween _

Dean was sitting on a park bench watching the kids play. Castiel appeared on the park bench next to him. Even though Dean didn't look at Castiel, they both knew that he knew Castiel was present. Castiel knew that Dean knew he was there and Dean knew that the angel knew he was there.

"Let me guess you're here for the, I told you so," Dean said.

"No," Castiel said.

"Well, good cause I'm really not that interested," Dean said.

"I am not here to judge you Dean," Castiel said.

"Then why are you here?" Dean asked.

"Our orders-" Castiel said.

"Yeah, you know, I've had about enough of these orders of yours-" Dean interrupted.

"_Our orders_ were not to stop the summoning of Samhain, they were to do whatever you told us to do," Castiel continued on, knowing Dean wouldn't let him finish anytime soon if he asked nicely.

"Your orders were to follow my orders?" Dean asked.

"It was a test, to see how you would perform under… battlefield conditions, you might say," Castiel elaborated.

"It was a witch, not the Tet Offensive," Dean said and Castiel didn't answer him. "So I uh- failed your test huh? I get you know what? If you would have waved that magic time travelling wand of yours and we had to do it all over again, I'd make the same call. Cause see, I don't know what's gonna happen when these seals are broken, hell I don't even know what's gonna happen tomorrow. But what I do know is, that this, here? These kids, the swings, the trees, all of it is still here because of my brother and me."

"You misunderstand me Dean, I'm not like you think, I was praying that you would choose to save the town," Castiel said.

"You were?" Dean asked.

"These people, they're all my father's creations. They're works of art, and yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken and we are one step closer to hell on earth, for all creation. Now _that's_ not an expression Dean. It's literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means," Castiel said, folding his hands and placing his chin on his hands. "Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?"

"Okay," Dean said, not sounding too sure.

"I'm not a…hammer as you say, I have questions, I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore, whether you passed or failed here. But in the coming months you will have more decisions to make, I don't envy the weight that's on your shoulders Dean. I truly don't," Castiel said.

They shared a look, and Dean looked out at the kids again. Castiel took that as his cue to leave, so when Dean looked back, he was gone.

But he left with a newfound faith- in Dean Winchester.

* * *

"He said _what_?" Dean demanded.

"He said to ask you what Castiel let you remember of Hell," Sam said. The words had been repeating themselves in his head since Uriel had said them. _"Ask Dean what he remembers of Hell." _"It just doesn't make any sense, Dean. I mean, why would Uriel tell me you remembered hell if you didn't?"

"Maybe because he's a dick. Might have something to do with it," Dean grunted.

"Maybe, but he's still an angel," Sam said.

"Yeah, an angel who was ready to _level an entire town_. Look, I don't know what-" Dean snapped.

"Radical. What else can I get you guys?" the waiter asked.

"Uh, I think we're good," Sam said.

"Yeah?" the waiter asked.

"Yeah," Sam asked.

"You want to try a couple of fryer bombs or a chipotle chili changa?" the waiter asked.

"No, no, we're still good," Dean said.

"Okay, awesome," the waiter said, walking away.

"Sam, honestly, I have no idea why Uriel told you what he did, okay?" Dean insisted.

"Right," Sam said.

"What?" Dean snarled.

"Okay. Fine. Then look me in the eye and tell me you don't remember a thing from your time down under," Sam said.

"I don't remember a thing from my time down under," Dean said and they glared at each other. "I don't remember, Sam!"

"Look, Dean, I just want to help," Sam said.

"You know everything I do. Okay? That's all there is," Dean said, taking a breath.

* * *

**End of 4.08 Wishful Thinking**

"Hang on a second," Dean said.

"What?" Sam asked.

"You were right," Dean said.

"About what?" Sam asked.

"I shouldn't have lied to you. I do remember everything that happened to me in the pit. Everything," Dean said.

"So tell me about it," Sam encouraged.

"No," Dean said.

"Uh..." Sam said.

"I won't lie anymore. But I'm not gonna talk about it," Dean said.

"Dean, look, you can't just shoulder this thing alone. You got to let me help," Sam begged.

"How? Do you really think that a little heart-to-Heart, some sharing and caring, is gonna change anything? Hmm? Somehow...heal me? I'm not talking about a bad day here," Dean said.

"I know that," Sam said.

"The things that I saw...there aren't words. There is no forgetting. There's no making it better. Because it is right here... forever. You wouldn't understand. And I could never make you understand. So I am sorry," Dean said.

Castiel closed his eyes. He leaned against the tree. Dean didn't remember everything from Hell.

And it _hurt _knowing.

* * *

Vote: I don't like Anna very much and she's in the next episode. Would you like meeting Anna to be included in this story or would you rather I skip over it? She'll be included in this story anyways. Please tell me!


	4. Chapter 4

My thoughts about this chapter: As I said before, I do not like Anna very much. I wasn't sure about whether or not to include this specific chapter or not but, since you guys voted yes, I did. As I edited and wrote, it began to flow a lot easier. Although I'm not Anna's biggest fan, I think Julie McNiven (the actress who plays Anna) did a wonderful job portraying Anna.

For those of you who watch Sons of Anarchy, there's this line that Gemma Teller and Maureen Ashby say about their kids. "Little slut," Maureen said. "Yeah, he is," Gemma nodded. The point of this is... Jax is a slut... and so is Dean.

My thoughts about this story: One thing that I like and don't like about this story: I have to take breaks when I write this story. I have to get the transcripts, make them easy to read, write Castiel's thoughts, include more scenes, and angst it up a bit. I have to take a lot of braeks when writing chapters because I am not an angsty person and I don't handle too much angst well.

Thanks kyatariina, Kitsune Katana123, and Shadow Cat17 for reviewing the last chapter!

And Shadow Cat17: Good idea about having Anna as the catalyst but I already have a plan for that!

* * *

**4.09- I Know What You Did Last Summer**

The first words Castiel had spoken when Dean got out of Hell were, "Dean Winchester is saved." When his brothers heard it, it turned into a chorus.

Anna hadn't known who Castiel was at the time, but she had been entranced by his voice. His _true_ voice. Then she began hearing the rest of them. She began to understand that Castiel pulled Dean out of Hell. She understood that even though he was somehow hurt, he refused to leaves Dean's side until he was out of the coffin and above ground. Even then, he didn't leave and tried to regain contact with Dean.

But a piece of Dean Winchester had been left in Hell, and with it, the part that could understand Castiel.

That left Anna frowning- because what could Dean have done that made him so guilty that he willingly left another part of himself in Hell?

* * *

Whoever Anna was, she sure knew how to hide. The demons had beat Sam and Dean to her house and killed her parents. Luckily, or unluckily, Anna wasn't there.

"Hey, you got those sketches from Anna's notebook?" Sam asked

"Yeah," Dean grunted.

"Let me see them," Sam flipped through the pages, "Check this out."

"She was drawing the window of her church," Dean said.

"Over and over," Sam said. "If you were religious, scared, and had demons on your ass, where would you go to feel safe?"

"Dean," Sam pointed with his gun to a hidden figure. "Anna? We're not gonna hurt you. We're here to help. My name is Sam. This is my brother, Dean."

"Sam? Not Sam Winchester?" Anna asked.

"Uh, yeah," Sam said.

"And you're Dean. _The_ Dean?" Ann asked.

"Well, yeah. The Dean, I guess," Dean shrugged.

"It's really you. Oh, my god. The angels talk about you. You were in hell, but Castiel pulled you out, and some of them think you can help save us. And some of them don't like you at all. They talk about you all the time lately. I feel like I know you," Ann said.

"So, you talk to angels?" Dean asked.

"Oh, no. No, no way. Um, they probably don't even know I exist. I just kind of... Overhear them," Anna said.

"You overhear them?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, they talk, and sometimes I just... hear them in my head," Anna said.

"Like... right now?" Dean asked.

"Not right this second, but a lot. And I can't shut them out, there are so many of them," Anna said.

"So, they lock you up with a case of the crazies when really you were just... Tuning in to angel radio?" Dean asked.

"Yes. Thank you," Sam said. "Anna, when did the voices start? Do you remember?"

"I can tell you exactly - September 18th," Anna said.

"The day I got out of hell," Dean said.

"First words I heard, clear as a bell- 'Dean Winchester is saved,'" Anna said.

* * *

"Hey, Sam, you think it'd be safe to make a quick call, Just to tell my parents I'm okay? They must be completely freaked," Anna said.

"Uh..." Sam said.

"What?" Anna asked.

"Anna, um... Your parents..." Sam said.

"What about them?" Anna demanded.

"Look, I'm sorry," Sam said.

"No, they're not..." Anna swallowed.

"Anna, I'm sorry," Sam said.

"Why is this happening to me?" Anna wailed.

"I don't know," Sam said.

"They're coming," Anna said.

"Back room," Dean ordered and Sam led Anna back.

"Where's the knife?" Ruby asked.

"Uh...about that..." Dean said.

"You're kidding," Ruby groaned.

"Hey, don't look at me," Dean said.

"Thanks a lot," Sam grumbled.

"Great. Just peachy. Impeccable timing, guys, really," Ruby said just as the doors opened with a blast and Castiel and Uriel walked in.

"Please tell me you're here to help. We've been having demon issues all day," Dean said.

"Well, I can see that," Uriel sneered. "You want to explain why you have that _stain_ in the room?"

"We're here for Anna," Castiel interrupted, cutting to the point.

"Here for her like... Here for her," Dean said.

"Stop talking. Give her to us," Uriel ordered.

"Are you gonna help her?" Sam asked.

"No," Castiel solemnly, "She has to die."

**4.10 Heaven and Hell**

"You want Anna? Why?" Sam asked.

"Out of the way," Uriel snapped.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, I know she's wiretapping your angel chats or whatever, but it's no reason to gank her," Dean said.

"Don't worry. I'll kill her gentle," Uriel said, smiling sinisterly.

"You're some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?" Dean said.

"As a matter of fact, we are," Castiel said calmly. "And?"

"_And_? Anna's an innocent girl," Sam said.

"She is _far_ from innocent," Castiel said. Memories of Anna's fall coursed through him. He couldn't control how he sounded- _remorseful_. He hated that he couldn't explain to Dean why they were taking her. He hated how they had to take her, her _life_.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.

"It means she's worse than this abomination you've been screwing. Now give us the girl," Uriel snapped.

"Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try Jdate," Dean said.

"Who's gonna stop us? You two? Or this demon whore?" Uriel asked, throwing Ruby into glass, making it shatter. He picked her up again, trying to remove her demonic self from the vessel but Dean ran up behind him, hitting Uriel with a pole.

"Cass, stop, please," Sam said but Castiel continued walking calmly, pressing two fingers to Sam's forhead without missing a beat. He didn't react much to Sam's plea. He may have wished that he didn't have to but he couldn't.

Uriel grabbed Dean's hand, gaining the upper hand. "I've been waiting for this," he smirked. Castiel closed his eyes, briefly, trying not to look as Uriel harmed Dean. He put his hand on the door handle reluctantly. He turned when he began to feel a disturbance and a bright light engulfed him and Uriel, making them disappear.

Castiel regained consciousness before Uriel did, wincing when he moved. He felt his grace leak out due to his rage. He tried to reign it in but he felt to angry to even try. He only managed to reign it in just before Uriel woke up.

"Damn it! That bitch!" Uriel snarled. Castiel stood up, brushing himself off.

"You were not supposed to harm him," Castiel said.

"Who? The mud monkey?" Uriel scoffed. Castiel's serious expression was enough to let Uriel know that he wasn't joking- even if he never did joke.

"You shouldn't call them that," Castiel said.

"I'd be careful if I were you, Castiel," Uriel said, losing his charisma. "You're getting to close to them."

But they both knew who Uriel was talking about.

* * *

"Um...guys? The angels are talking again," Anna said.

"What are they saying?" Sam asked.

"It's weird... Like a recording... A loop. It says, 'Dean Winchester gives us Anna by midnight, or'..." Anna glanced at Dean.

"Or what?" Dean demanded.

"'Or we hurl him back to damnation,'" Anna said.

"Anna, do you know of any weapon that works on an angel?" Sam asked.

"To what? To kill them?" Ann asked in disbelief. Sam nodded. "Nothing we could get to... Not right now."

"Okay, wait, wait. I say we call Bobby. We get him back from hedonism," Dean said.

"Dean, what's he gonna tell us that we don't already know?" Sam asked.

"I don't know, but we got to think of something!" Dean snapped.

* * *

Dean had a book on the Impala, studying its subject intently. He heard footsteps, and when he looked up, he saw Anna. "Hey. Holding up okay?"

"Trying," she said.

"Yeah," Dean said, turning back towards his book.

"A little scared, I guess," Anna said, drawing Dean's attention back towards her. "So, um... Dean... I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?" Dean asked.

"Everything. You guys - you didn't have to help me –" Anna said.

"Hey, that's kinda "thanks for trying" speech, you know? Participation trophies suck ass," Dean said.

"I don't know. Maybe I don't deserve to be saved," Anna said.

"Don't talk like that," Dean snapped.

"I disobeyed. Lucifer disobeyed. It's our murder one, and I knew it. Maybe I got to pay," Anna said.

"Yeah, well, we've all done things we got to pay for," Dean said. Anna sat down on the car.

"I got to tell you something. You're not gonna like it," Anna said.

"Okay. What?" Dean asked.

"About a week ago, I heard the angels talking... About you... What you did in hell. Dean, I know. It wasn't your fault. You should forgive yourself," Anna said, touching his cheek with her hand.

"Anna, I don't w-want to, uh... I don't want to... I can't talk about that," Dean said and her hand dropped. Neither of them knew why Dean couldn't talk about it- or, the real reason, at least. Anna assumed that it was because he felt guilty about torturing souls. Dean knew he felt guilty about torturing souls and he knew that something inside him was missing. He just wasn't quite sure what was missing.

"I know. But when you can, you have people that want to help. You are not alone. That's all I'm trying to say," Anna said. She hesitated before rising up on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss to Dean's lips.

"What was that for? " Dean asked.

"You know... Our last night on earth... All that," Anna said.

"You're stealing my best line," Dean smirked, leaning in for another kiss. He opened the car door and they had sex in the back seat.

Castiel knew the second Dean touched Anna. He knew the second Anna touched _Castiel's_ mark on Dean's shoulder. He knew the second Dean was in her. He wasn't sure which action hurt the most and he disappeared from Uriel's side without an explanation.

'Cass...I'm so sorry,' Jimmy said.

'I do not understand why I feel this way,' Castiel admitted to Jimmy.

'You're in love with him, Cass,' Jimmy said.

'I-'

'You think I can't feel it? You're in my body, Cass. I know to you I'm just taking up a small piece of space in here but you're taking up a lot more than a little. I can feel what you do,' Jimmy said.

'How do I stop it?' Castiel demanded. 'I am a soldier, not...'

'Sorry, Cass. I don't have the answer to that,' Jimmy said. Castiel raised his hand to touch the moisture dripping down his face. He looked up at the night sky, which was clear enough that he could see the stars.

'You're crying, Cass,' Jimmy informed him softly. Castiel knew what crying was- he had cried when Dean took his virginity. He stood staring up at the sky, tears dripping down his face as Jimmy tried to spread himself through the shared body, trying to find a way to comfort Castiel. Castiel could feel a small part of Jimmy's presence, but being chained to a comet like he was, the presence was very small.

'Jimmy... is holding someone supposed to help?' Castiel asked.

'It depends on the person, Cass,' Jimmy said. 'And the situation.'

* * *

"_Look at that. It's so cute when monkeys wear clothes," Uriel said._

"_I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Dean asked._

"_It's the only way we could chat... Since you're hiding like cowards," Uriel spat._

"_Don't normally see you off leash. Where's your boss?" Dean rebutted. _

"_Castiel? Oh, he, uh..." Uriel looked up towards the sky. "He's not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you. Time's up, boy. We want the girl," Uriel said._

"_Wouldn't try that if I were you. See, she got her grace back. Full-blown angel now," Dean said._

"_That would be a neat trick, considering..." Uriel pulled out a necklace. "...I have her grace right here. We can't let hell get their hooks into her."_

"_Well, then why don't you just give her back her angel juice?" Dean asked._

"_She committed a serious crime," Uriel said. _

"_What? Thinking for herself?" Dean rolled his eyes._

"_This is our business, not yours. She's not even human... Not technically," Uriel said._

"_Yeah, well, I guess I just like being a pain in the pooper," Dean said._

"_No. There's more," Uriel mused, walking towards and around Dean, circling him like a vulture. "You cut yourself a slice of... angel food cake. Didn't you? Huh? You did." He chuckled._

"_What do you care? You're junk less down there, right? Like a Ken doll?" Dean asked._

"_Ooh. Well, it's your last chance. Give us the girl, or-" Uriel said._

"_Or what? What, you're gonna toss me back in the hole? You're bluffing," Dean sneered._

"_Try me. This is a whole lot bigger than the plans we got for you, Dean. You can be replaced," Uriel said._

"_What the hell? Go ahead and do it," Dean said. Uriel began walking towards Dean again, studying him carefully._

"_You're just crazy enough to go, aren't you?" Uriel asked._

"_What can I say? I don't break easy," Dean said._

"_Oh, yes...you do. You just got to know where to apply the right pressure," Uriel said._

* * *

"I don't know, man. Where's Ruby?" Sam asked.

"Hey, she's your hell buddy," Dean said, taking a swig of his beer.

"Little early for that, isn't it?" Anna chastised.

"It's two a.m. somewhere," Dean shrugged.

"You okay?" Anna frowned.

"Yeah, of course," Dean said. The doors blew open and Castiel and Uriel walked in.

"Hello, Anna. It's good to see you," Castiel said. He stared at her and only her, wondering if she could understand what he was thinking- if she could feel the pain he was feeling. Anna stared back, scared and curious at the same time. Castiel could guess why too. Anna had always wanted to feel and even as an angel, she had. She had always been sensitive and Castiel would have been surprised if she _hadn't_ known something was wrong.

"How? How did you find us?" Sam asked. "Dean?" Castiel looked away from Dean, away from them all as Dean turned his attention to Anna.

"I'm sorry," Dean said.

"Why?" Sam demanded.

"Because they gave him a choice," Anna said, her voice accusing. "They either kill me... or kill you. I know how their minds work." Castiel looked up at that and Anna avoided his gaze, suddenly rethinking her statement. Anna turned towards Dean and laid a hand on his arm. He turned towards him and she kissed him.

Castiel felt Jimmy's heart slam in his chest.

It was one thing guessing. It was one thing knowing. It was another thing actually _seeing. _He felt like he had when Dean defiled him all over again.

"You did the best you could. I forgive you," Anna said and then she turned towards Castiel and Uriel. Castiel looked away, looking a lot calmer than he felt. He looked back again at her when she began speaking to him. "Okay. No more tricks. No more running. I'm ready."

"I'm sorry," Castiel said.

"No. you're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling," Anna said.

Castiel closed his eyes. He didn't know how much longer he would be unable to feel "sorry." He was feeling so many things that he shouldn't be able to feel- that he shouldn't _want_ to feel. He didn't know how to tell Anna that he was beginning to feel.

"Still, we have a history. It's just-"

"Orders are orders. I know. Just make it quick," Anna said.

"Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head," Alastair said, walking in with Ruby held captives by other demons. Uriel glared at Alastair and the tension in the room could be cut with a knife. He began to walk forward. Sam, Dean, and Anna got the silent message to move out of the way.

"How dare you come in this room... you pussing sore?" Uriel demanded.

"Name-calling. That hurt my feelings... You sanctimonious, fanatical prick," Alastair said.

"Turn around and walk away _now_," Castiel ordered, deciding to intervene.

"Sure. Just give us the girl. We'll make sure she gets punished good and proper," Alastair said.

"You know who we are and what we will do," Castiel said, walking forward to stand next to Uriel. "I won't say it again. Leave. Now... Or we lay you to waste."

"Think I'll take my chances," Alastair said. They stared at each other before Uriel and a demon decided to start the fight. Uriel pushed the demon against the barn support, turning around to defend himself against another demon that came up behind him.

Castiel appeared in front of Alastair, punching him before elbowing him and then grabbing his shoulder, pressing his hand against his head to exorcise him.

"Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run to daddy?" Alastair said, sweeping Castiel's arm and pushing him onto the ground. He pinned Castiel to the ground and choked him as Uriel exorcised one of the demons.

"Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferma, me confirma!" Alastair chanted. Dean hit Alastair with a crowbar, knocking him off of Castiel. Sam stared at his brother in disbelief and confusion, unsure of his brother's actions.

Castiel and Dean' eyes met briefly but then Alastair turned their attention back towards him.

"Dean, Dean, Dean... I am so disappointed. You had such promise," Alastair tutted before he use his powers to choke Dean and Sam. Uriel was exorcising the second demon when Anna grabbed the necklace from Uriel's neck.

"No!" he shouted as she threw it to the ground.

"Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes! Shut your eyes!" Anna screamed as her grace began to inhabit her body. A bright light enveloped Alastair as he tried to walk forward. When the light cleared, Anna and Alastair were gone but the knife remained. Dean bent down to pick it up.

"Well, what are you guys waiting for? Go get Anna.. Unless, of course, you're scared," Dean said.

"This isn't over," Uriel snarled.

"Oh, it looks over to me, junkless," Dean said. He accidentally caught Castiel's eye. He wanted to say something, Castiel was sure, but when Dean looked up again, they had disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanksthesagerk, Fallen4Cas, fire dragonheart, Luciel89, kyatariina, and Shadow Cat17 for reviewing the last chapter!

And Luciel89: Hope I met your needs better this time!

Dean will find out what he did to Castiel in the next chapter or the one after that! But it's finally coming!

Honestly, when I first watched 4.16, I thought it was Anna's fault that the devil's trap was released because she appeared in the interrogation room and after that scene, Cass checked the water fountain and it dripped because he appeared. Did anyone else think that or was it just me?

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

* * *

**4.15- Death Takes a Holiday**

Dean walked along the alley, looking around.

"You can't run," Alastair said, standing in the same alley Dean was. "Dean." Dean stopped and stared. Alastair advanced as Dean began to retreat. "Not from me. I'm inside that angsty little noggin of yours." Blue-white lightning struck Alastair and he vanished.

"What the hell?" Dean asked.

"Guess again," Castiel said. Dean turned around to find the angel behind him. "What just happened? You and Sam just saved a seal. We captured Alastair. Dean, this was a victory."

"Well, no thanks to you," Dean muttered.

"What makes you say that?" Castiel asked, slightly amused.

"You were here the whole time?" Dean asked.

"Enough of it," he looked away.

"Well, thanks for your help with the rock salt," Dean said.

"That script on the funeral home—we couldn't penetrate it," Castiel explained.

"That was angel-proofing," Dean realized.

"Why do you think I recruited you and Sam in the first place?" Castiel asked, looking at Dean.

"You recruited us?" Dean frowned.

"That wasn't your friend Bobby who called, Dean. It wasn't Bobby who told Sam about the seal," Castiel said.

"That was you?" Dean asked. Castiel looked down. "If you want our help, why the hell didn't you just ask?"

"Because whatever I ask, you seem to do the exact opposite," Castiel said.

"So, what now, huh? The people in this town, they just gonna start dying again?" Dean demanded.

"Yes," Castiel nodded.

"These are good people. What, you think you can make a few exceptions?" Dean begged.

"To everything there is a season," Castiel said.

"You made an exception for me," Dean said. Castiel paused and then looked at Dean. Dean was looking for more answers. He just wanted to be dead again. He was tired of living. Castiel looked away again. He was to selfish to let Dean die again.

"You're different," Castiel said and after a long pause, he disappeared.

He reappeared in the park, next to Uriel at the park bench.

"You caught Alastair," Uriel said, there was something off about his tone but Castiel took no notice.

"Yes," Castiel said.

"We have orders," Uriel said, standing up.

"What are they?" Castiel asked.

"We would not be able to get Alastair to reveal anything… we aren't skilled enough in the methods of torture," Uriel said. "We must get Dean Winchester to do it." Castiel's heart slammed in his chest, his eyes wide with fear. Uriel didn't notice because when he turned to look at Castiel, Castiel had his facial expressions under control.

"Will that be a problem?" Uriel asked.

"Orders are orders," Castiel answered.

**4.16- On the Head of a Pin**

Car alarms blared. Several cars in various states of smashed to pieces were in the street. Castiel appeared and silenced the alarms. He walked through the wreckage to the body of a woman. He moved part of her clothing off her neck; she has been stabbed to death.

Castiel's hands clenched into fists and his eyes closed tightly. He hated seeing any of his siblings hurt. He hurt even more knowing that they were being killed off. His soul would ache if angels possessed one. He felt his eyes begin to tear up and he quickly blinked the human emotion away with a scowl. He should not be crying. He wasn't a human.

"Goodbye, sister," Castiel said and then disappeared as police officers began to arrive on the scene.

"What the hell?" an officer asked seeing the image of wings seared into the asphalt.

"Ruby will meet us in Cheyenne. She's been tracking some leads. I know she's not exactly on your Christmas list, but if she can help us get to Lilith-" Sam said.

"Hey, man, work with Ruby, don't. I don't really give a rat's ass," Dean snapped.

"What's your problem?" Sam demanded.

"Pamela didn't want anything to do with this and we dragged her back into it, Sam," Dean said.

"She knew what was at stake," Sam said.

"Oh yeah. Saving the world. And we're doing such a damn good job of it," Dean snapped.

"Dean-" Sam said.

"I'm tired of burying friends, Sam," Dean said, sounding tired.

"Look, we catch a fresh trail-" Sam said.

"And we follow it, I know. Like I said, I'm just getting tired," Dean sighed.

"Well, get angry," Sam said.

They entered the motel room that they paid for.

"Ah, home crappy home," Dean said. Sam flipped on the lights.

"Winchester and Winchester," Uriel greeted them.

"Oh come on," Dean groaned upon seeing Uriel and Castiel.

"You are needed," Uriel said.

"Needed? We just got back from needed," Dean snapped.

"Mind your tone with me," Uriel said.

"No, you mind your damned tone with us," Dean said.

"We just got back from Pamela's funeral," Sam explained.

"Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her. Cass, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for _five freaking minutes!" _Dean snarled.

Castiel didn't bother looking at Dean. He remembered the woman. He had warned her to look away. It wasn't his fault she had persisted. But in all honesty, he had no emotion for the woman who hadn't heeded his warnings death. Sure, he had wished that she hadn't met the end she met. Sure he wished that she could have grown older than she had been when she died and had grandchildren, but it wasn't his problem. He was more upset about the death of his sister. Someone he _knew_. Someone he had grown up with- fought with. How could Dean be upset _with him_ over someone he had met maybe twice in his lifetime while Castiel was mourning someone he knew his _whole life_?

"We raised you out of hell for our purposes," Uriel said. Castiel almost wanted to thank Uriel for voicing his thoughts- although they were a bit more harsh than what Castiel would say or think to Dean.

"Yeah, what were those again? What exactly did you want from me?" Dean said.

"Start with gratitude," Uriel said.

"Oh," Dean said.

"Dean, we know this is difficult to understand," Castiel said, knowing Dean would try to start a fight.

"And _we_-" Uriel gave Castiel a significant look. "-don't care. Now, seven angels have been murdered, all of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight."

"Demons? How they doing it?" Dean asked.

"We don't know," Uriel said.

"I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league, right?" Sam said.

"We can handle the demons, thank you very much," Uriel said.

"Once we find whoever it is," Castiel said.

"So you need our help hunting a demon?" Dean grunted.

"Not quite. We have Alastair," Castiel said.

"Great. He should be able to name your trigger man," Dean said.

"But he won't talk. Alastair's will is very strong. We've arrived at an impasse," Castiel said.

"Yeah, well, he's like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of your league," Dean said. Castiel closed his eyes. He knew Dean would come to that conclusion- all the angels knew. He did not want to be here right now. He did not want to look at Dean. He did not want to ask Dean for this favor.

"That's why we've come to his student. You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got," Uriel said. Dean looked down.

"Dean, you are our best hope," Castiel forced out.

"No. No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cass. Not this," Dean said.

"Who said anything about asking?" Uriel asked, walking up to Dean. Sam blinked. In that second, the angels disappeared with his brother.

"Damn it!" Sam snarled.

* * *

Dean could see Alastair through a window in a door, chained to a hexacle standing in the middle of a devil's trap.

"This devil's trap is old Enochian. He's bound completely," Castiel assured him, seeing the uncertainty in Dean's eyes- the look that he just wanted to get the _hell out_.

"Fascinating. Where's the door?" Dean asked.

"Where are you going?" Uriel asked.

"Hitch back to Cheyenne. Thank you very much," Dean snapped, walking past Uriel. He stopped when the angel blocked his path.

"Angels are dying, boy," Uriel snapped.

"Everybody's dying these days. And hey, I get it. You're all powerful. You can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this," Dean said.

"This is too much to ask, _I_ know. But we have to ask it," Castiel said. He tried to relay that he really did know- that he did understand what they were asking- the cost to Dean… the cost to himself, but Dean didn't know that part. Dean surveyed Castiel for a moment and then turned back to Uriel.

"I want to talk to Cass alone," Dean announced.

"Really," Uriel said, sounding amused.

"If you want a snowball's chance of me going in there, then you're gonna shag ass and let us talk," Dean declared.

"I think I'll go seek revelation. We might have some further orders," Uriel said.

"Well, get some donuts while you're out," Dean said, making Uriel laugh.

"Ah, this one just won't quit, will he? Heaven help us, I think I'm starting to like you, boy," Uriel said and then he vanished.

"You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby," Dean said but Castiel didn't react. "You know, I'm starting to think junkless has a better sense of humor than you do."

"Uriel's the funniest angel in the garrison. Ask anyone," Castiel said. Dean walked up to him.

"What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?" Dean demanded.

"My superiors have begun to question my sympathies," Castiel said.

"Your sympathies?" Dean asked.

"I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You. Even to your brother. They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment," Castiel said. "They"… wasn't it more like "we"? Castiel knew he was beginning to express human emotion. He knew it all too well. The crying, the taking care of his vessel, the _talking_ to his supposed to be suppressed vessel…

"So they knock you down the ladder and put Uriel in charge?" Dean asked.

"He is a proud and able instrument of God," Castiel said without hesitation because he knew Dean was looking for a way out. Orders were orders. He had to follow them even if he didn't want to. That was what made a soldier a soldier.

"The demotion, doesn't it get your loincloth in a twist?" Dean asked.

"It is what it is to be," Castiel said because if he could not do his father's will, then he'd best let someone else do it.

"Well, tell Uriel, or whoever...you do not want me doing this, trust me," Dean said, sounding broken.

"Want it, no. But I have been told we need it," Castiel said.

"Cas, the things that I did, what I became...you ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out," Dean said. Castiel shut his eyes, knowing exactly what would walk back out. Dean didn't know how right he was._ '"I don't have to give you any kind of damn courtesy," Dean hissed, biting Castiel's neck harshly. Castiel bit his lip so he wouldn't cry out. "But I'll be damned if I'm not going to do you- oh wait, I already am."'_

He wanted to say that he knew what was going to walk out. He wanted to tell Dean that he was scared. He didn't know how to tell the human that. He didn't know how to disobey orders. He didn't know how to tell his human charge he felt the same way Dean did.

"You know what we're all fighting for. And dying for. What Pamela lost her life for. You know what will happen if we fail. For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this," Castiel said because that, he could manage to say.

Dean closed his eyes. "I'll need a few things."

"Do you really think this is gonna fix you? Give you closure? That is sad. That's really sad. Sad, sad," Allastair taunted as Dean approached him. Dean watched the demon for a moment before stabbing him.

"I carved you into a new animal, Dean. There is no going back," Alastair said.

"Maybe you're right. But now it's my turn to carve," Dean said.

"No!" Alastair shouted. Neither the demon nor the apprentice noticed the drips coming down from the faucet, starting to erase the chalk drawing of the devil's trap.

Castiel listened to Alastair's groans. He did not want Dean doing this. He wanted Dean out of that room. He wanted Dean in- what was the human expression?- bubbles? Castiel didn't understand how bubbles protected people but he wanted Dean in one if it would keep him from this. The light flickered, catching Castiel's attention and then the bulb exploded. Anna appeared behind Castiel.

"Anna," he said.

"Hello, Castiel," she said. He turned to look at her.

"Your human body-"

"It was destroyed, I know. But I guess I'm sentimental. Called in some old favors and..." Anna shrugged. Alastair's screams became louder.

"You shouldn't be here. We still have orders to kill you," Castiel said but he didn't want to say that. He didn't want to have the orders to kill Anna.

"Somehow I don't think you'll try. Where's Uriel?" Anna said.

"He went to receive revelation," Castiel answered.

"Right," Anna said. "Why are you letting Dean do this?"

"He's doing God's work," Castiel answered.

"Torturing? That's God's work? Stop him, Cas, please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have," Anna said.

"Who are we to question the will of God?" Castiel asked.

"Unless this isn't his will," Anna said.

"Then where do the orders come from?" Castiel asked.

"I don't know. One of our superiors, maybe, but not him," Anna said. "The father you love. You think he wants this? You think he'd ask this of you? You think this is righteous?" Anna demanded and Castiel couldn't meet her eyes. "What you're feeling? It's called _doubt_."

Doubt?

Anna touched Castiel's hand. "These orders are wrong and you know it. But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Cas. I was too. But together, we can still-"

"Together?" he yanked his hand away from hers. "I am nothing like you. You_ fell_. Go." Fury bubbled in him and that made him like Anna. He ignored that thought but because of it, the fury grew in him. He did not want to fall. He was an angel. He was nothing like Anna. He was faithful.

"Cass," Anna protested.

"Go!" he ordered. Anna vanished and Castiel listened to Alastair as he screamed.

Alastair spat out blood and holy water.

"You're just not getting deep enough. Well, you lack the resources. Reality is just, I don't know, too concrete up here. Honestly, Dean..." Alastair chuckled. Dean poured more salt into another container.

"You have no idea how bad it really was, and what you really did for us," Alastair said.

"Shut up," Dean whispered.

"The whole bloody thing, Dean. The reason Lilith wanted you there in the first place," Alastair said.

"Well, then I'll just make you shut up," Dean said, grabbing Alastair's chin.

"Lilith really-" Alastair tried to continue but Dean poured salt into Alastair's mouth. The demon tried to scream. He spat out blood, trying to breathe.

"Something caught in my throat. I think it's my throat," he wheezed.

"Well, strap in, 'cause I'm just starting to have fun," Dean said, going back to his cart.

"You know, it was supposed to be your father," Alastair said. Dean poured out more holy water.

"He was supposed to bring it on. But, in the end, it was you," Alastair said.

"Bring what on?" Dean asked.

"Oh, every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father," Alastair said as Dean shook salt onto the blade of Ruby's knife.

"And finally you said, 'Sign me up.' Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch..." Alastair said as Dean turned to face him. "That was the first seal." Dean didn't react. He just walked closer.

"You're lying," Dean said.

"And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds the blood _of an angel_ in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break," Alastair taunted. "We had to break the first seal before any others. Only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Topple the one at the front of the line." Dean let the shock appear on his facial features when he turned away from Alastair.

"You're lying," Dean said.

"Oh, no, no no, no. It's much more fun to see you suffer knowing the truth. When we win, when we bring on the apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester," Alastair said. Dean closed his eyes, trying not to react. "What do you mean the blood of an angel?" Dean asked.

Alastair laughed, looking up and noticed the dripping faucet and the broken edge of the devil's trap. He smirked, "You mean they didn't _tell_ you? Your precious angel friends perching on your shoulder didn't tell you that you tortured an angel? I would have taken revenge. If my eyes don't deceive me, then you've known him. Believe me, son, I wouldn't lie about this. It's kind of a religious sort of thing with me."

"No. I don't think you are lying. But even if the demons do win..." Dean looked at Ruby's knife but he was thinking. Damn Alastair- he was making Dean think. Who had he tortured? "You won't be there to see it." He turned around to find Alastair right behind him, out of the chains.

"You should talk to your plumber about the pipes," Alastair said and then he punched Dean, who went down. Alastair grinned. Dean was covered in blood. Alastair held him by his shirt collar and punched him repeatedly, then dropped him. He picked him up by the throat and shoved him up against the hexacle, lifting his feet off the floor.

"You got a lot to learn, boy. So I'll see you back in class bright and early Monday morning," Alastair said and then he turned around to find Castiel standing behind him with Ruby's knife. Alastair dropped Dean, to focus on Castiel, who stabbed him in the heart. The injury sparked gold light.

"Well, almost. Looks like God is on my side today," Alastair sneered.

Castiel lifted a hand. The knife twisted itself and Alastair grunted in pain as it did so. He pulled out the knife, and then tossed it away and charged Castiel. Alastair slams Castiel against the wall, choking him.

"Well, like roaches, you celestials. Now, I really wish I knew how to kill you. But all I can do is send you back to heaven," Alastair began chanting in Latin. Blue light appeared in Castiel's eyes and mouth as his visage began escaping from his human body. Alastair stopped abruptly, choking, and was slammed against the wall. Sam stood by the door with one hand raised. Castiel slumped to the ground.

"Stupid pet tricks," Alastair spat.

"Who's murdering the angels? How are they doing it?" Sam demanded.

"You think I'm gonna tell you?" Alastair scoffed.

"Yeah, I do," Sam twisted his hand. Alastair's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he choke. "How are the demons killing angels?" Sam repeated.

"I don't know," Alastair choked.

"Right," Sam scoffed.

"It's not us. We're not doing it," Alastair said.

"I don't believe you," Sam said.

"Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn't kill seven angels. Oh, she'd kill a hundred, a thousand," Alastair said and Sam stopped.

"Oh, go ahead. Send me back, if you can," Alastair dared.

"I'm stronger than that now. Now I can kill," Sam held out his hand. Gold light flared inside Alastair as he screamed. Alastair's host collapsed, dead.

* * *

Dean lay in bed, heavily bandaged with a breathing tube and an IV drip. Sam sat next to him. Castiel appeared at the doorway, paused, and continued down the hallway. Sam follows him out of the room.

"Sam-"

"Get in there and heal him. Miracle. Now," Sam ordered.

"I can't," Castiel said.

"You and Uriel put him in there-" Sam said.

"No,"

"—because you can't keep a simple devil's trap together," Sam said.

"I don't know what happened. That trap...it shouldn't have broken. I am sorry," Castiel said but Sam didn't care.

"This whole thing was pointless. You understand that? The demons aren't doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers," Sam said.

"Perhaps Alastair was lying," Castiel said.

"No, he wasn't," Sam said, returning to Dean. He left Castiel, looking as though he had been hit in the face. He knew that there was one place to look for answers now.

Uriel sat on a bench, eyes closed when Castiel appeared next to him.

"Castiel, I received revelation from our superiors. Our brothers and sisters are dying and they...they want us to stop hunting the demon responsible," Uriel said and Castiel sat down next to him. "Something is wrong up there. I mean, can you feel it?"

"The murders. Maybe they aren't demonic. Sam Winchester said the demons had nothing to do with it," Castiel said.

"If not the demons, what could it be?" Uriel asked.

"The will of heaven. We are failing, Uriel. We are losing the war. Perhaps the garrison is being punished," Castiel said.

"You think our father would-" Uriel protested.

"I think maybe our father isn't giving the orders anymore. Maybe there is something wrong," Castiel said and Uriel stood up. Castiel didn't know what to do but there was one person he could trust that might know what to do.

"Well, I won't wait to be gutted," he said and then vanished.

Castiel stood up. He had to try.

* * *

"Anna. Anna, please," Castiel said.

The streetlight above Castiel flickered. He looked up and then turned around.

"Decided to kill me after all?" Anna asked.

"I'm alone," Castiel said.

"What do you want from me, Castiel?" she asked.

"I'm considering disobedience," Castiel said. Anna nodded.

"Good," she said.

"No, it isn't. For the first time, I feel..." Castiel paused.

"It gets worse. Choosing your own course of action is confusing, terrifying," Anna said, putting her hand on Castiel's shoulder. He looked at it and she drops it. "That's right. You're too good for my help. I'm just trash. A walking blasphemy," Anna said, turning to walk away.

"Anna," Castiel said. Anna stopped.

"You said it gets worse," Castiel said, pain in his eyes. Anna frowned at the emotion that shouldn't have been in Castiel's eyes.

"Cass? What aren't you telling me?" she asked.

"He… I…" Castiel said weakly. "He defiled me… it gets worse than that?" Anna stared at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, God… Cass…" Anna said.

"I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do," Castiel said and Anna turned her back to him.

"Like the old days? No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself," Anna said. "You… I've seen you with him… how…"

"I don't know," Castiel said, knowing she meant how he could care about Dean. He didn't know how he could care about Dean either.

'He wasn't himself in Hell, Cass. You love him,' Jimmy reminded him. Anna vanished.

Castiel examined the devil's trap. He noticed the dripping faucet and shut it off without touching it.

* * *

"You called?" Uriel asked. "What do you say, Castiel? Will you join me? Will you fight with me?"

"Strange. Strange how a leaky pipe can undo the work of angels when we ourselves are supposed to be the agents of fate," Castiel said.

"Alastair was much more powerful than we had imagined," Uriel said.

"No. No demon can overpower that trap. I made it myself. We've been friends for a long time, Uriel. Fought by each other's sides, served together away from home, for what seems like forever. We're brothers, Uriel. Pay me that respect. Tell me the truth," Castiel snapped. He was sure of himself. He didn't know quite what was going on but he knew enough.

Something wasn't right.

"The truth is, the only thing that can kill an angel..." Uriel said and a knife slid out of Uriel's sleeve into his grasp. "...is another angel."

"You," Castiel said.

"I'm afraid so," Uriel said.

"And you broke the devil's trap, set Alastair on Dean," Castiel said, hands clenching into fists.

"Alastair should never have been taken alive. Really inconvenient, Cass. Yes, I did turn the screw a little. Alastair should have killed Dean and escaped, and you should have gone on happily scapegoating the demons," Uriel said.

"For the murders of our kin?" Castiel demanded.

"Not murders, Castiel. No. My work is conversion. How long have we waited here? How long have we played this game by rules that make no sense?" Uriel asked.

"It is our father's world, Uriel," Castiel answered.

"Our father? He stopped being that, if he ever was, the moment he created them. Humanity, his favorites. This whining, puking larva," Uriel spat.

"Are you trying to convert me?" Castiel asked in disbelief.

"I wanted you to join me. And I still do. With you, we can be powerful enough to-" Uriel said.

"To..." Castiel said.

"To raise our brother," Uriel said.

"Lucifer," Castiel said.

"You do remember him? How strong he was? How beautiful? And he didn't bow to humanity. He was punished for defending us. Now, if you want to believe in something, Cas, believe in _him_," Uriel said.

"Lucifer is not God," Castiel said.

"God isn't God anymore. He doesn't care what we do. I am proof of that," Uriel said.

"But this? What were you gonna do, Uriel? Were you gonna kill the whole garrison?" Castiel demanded.

"I only killed the ones who said no. Others have joined me, Cass. Now, please, brother, don't fight me. Help me. Help me spread the word. Help me bring on the apocalypse. All you have to do is be unafraid," Uriel coaxed.

"For the first time in a long time, I am," Castiel said. Uriel smiled but then Castiel punched him through the wall several feet away. Uriel got up. Uriel hit Castiel with a metal bar and Castiel went down.

"You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God," Castiel said.

"You haven't even met the man. There is no will. No wrath. No God!" Uriel said, punching Castiel between each phrase. The last time, he raises his fist and is stabbed through the neck from behind.

"Maybe. Or maybe not. But there's still me," Anna said, pulling out the knife. Uriel collapsed. Anna went over to Castiel. Uriel screamed as white light flared in his eyes and mouth. The light exploded out of him and out of the building. Castiel stood up and looked down at Uriel's corpse. His wings were seared into the floor across the devil's trap.

Anna placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder and this time, he didn't shy away. He looked at her, looking lost.

"Go to him," she whispered.

* * *

Dean was still in bed but the breathing tube was gone. Castiel watched Dean for a moment before sitting down.

"Are you all right?" Castiel asked.

"No thanks to you," Dean spat.

"You need to be more careful," Castiel chastised.

"You need to learn how to manage a damn devil's trap," Dean snarled.

"That's not what I mean. Uriel is dead," Castiel sighed.

"Was it the demons?" Dean asked.

"It was disobedience. He was working against us," Castiel said.

"Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?" Dean asked.

"Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you-" Castiel said.

"Jump-started the apocalypse," Dean interrupted.

"And we were too late," Castiel finished.

"Why didn't you just leave me there, then?" Dean asked. Castiel closed his eyes. '_"Have faith in me."'_

"It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, its fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it," Castiel said.

"Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean?" Dean demanded.

"I don't know," Castiel said.

"Bull," Dean spat.

"I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you," Castiel said.

"Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cass. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me,"

Tears began to stream down his face and Castiel leaned back, closing his own eyes in an attempt not to cry too.

Had he been wrong leaving that part of Dean in Hell?

"Cass?" Dean whimpered. Castiel opened his eyes again and Dean could see the liquid forming in his eyes, threatening to fall.

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel asked, trying to sound normal.

"Who… who did I torture? Who was the angel?" Dean asked. Castiel hesitated.

'Cass… tell him,' Jimmy said.

"They…" Castiel felt his mouth go dry. 'We?'

'Not we, Cass, you,' Jimmy said stubbornly.

"He has forgiven you, Dean," Castiel said. "He has forgiven you."


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

I'm very sorry this took a long time to get out! Like I said chapter four, I have a hard time writing angst and I have to take breaks when writing.

Thanks Susangel, SuperNaturalGurl32, lisademonicangel, Wolf-Of-Herkimer, fire dragonheart, Fallen4Cas, SlashyAntics, Luciel89, kyatariina, Shadow Cat17, and Mariana Lestrange for reviewing the last chapter!

* * *

**4.20- The Rapture**

"_We need to talk," Castiel said. _

"_I'm dreaming aren't I?" Dean groaned._

"_It's not safe here. Some place more private," Castiel insisted. _

"_More private- we're inside my __head__," Dean protested._

"_Exactly, someone could be listening," Castiel said._

"_Cass, what's wrong? Dean asked._

"_Meet me here," Castiel said, handing Dean a slip of white paper folded in half. "Go now."_

* * *

Castiel left, leaving Dean alone to wake up.

Castiel waited at the place he had told Dean to come to. He waited, almost impatiently as he crossed his arms and then uncrossed them. He even took to pacing for a minute but that minute was interrupted when he felt the presence of another angel's grace. He turned around and grabbed the wrist of the angel trying to kill him.

"Brother, don't do this," Castiel said.

"We must take you back to Heaven, brother. You're forgetting your place!" the angel drew another sword and lurched forward at Castiel again. Castiel took a step to the side and drew his own sword, taking a swipe at his brother whilst dropping his hand.

Another two angels appeared and surrounded Castiel. Castiel looked around at his brothers wearily. He faked going left and then went right, setting his brothers up in a line as they tried to capture him. One of his brothers appeared behind him and threw him into the lights. Castiel groaned as he fell, getting kicked into the ironwork. He twisted and scraped one of his brother's with the sword. Another angel grabbed Castiel and threw him into an electricity line. Castiel hissed in pain as the cord cut and shocked him. He dropped hard into the framework.

"Dean needs to know this! There has to be another way!" Castiel begged.

"I'm sorry, Castiel," Castiel turned his attention to the angel behind him. His eyes widened when he saw the sigil the angel had painted with his blood.

"No!" Castiel shouted. The angel pressed his hand against it and ejected Castiel from his vessel, bringing him back to Heaven.

Castiel woke up, tied to a cross. He pulled against the ropes, experimenting.

"Don't try to break the ropes, Castiel. They're angel proof. I can't say I'm happy to see you under these circumstances. You've looked better,"

"Zachariah," Castiel snarled. Zachariah merely smiled.

"Relax, Castiel… or don't. I supposed what we do will hurt you. You know, you really have gotten so attached to your charges," Zachariah mused, circling Castiel. "You shouldn't have. But that's alright. Even angels are capable of making mistakes when they grow close to humans. But we'll beat that right out of you." Castiel tensed and then cried out as Zachariah's hand dove deep into his grace.

"Stop!" Castiel screamed. Zachariah's hand gripped the grace and twisted harder.

"Tell me, what makes him so deserving of an angel's affections? You should only have this affection for our father, Castiel!" Zachariah said. "Now, I'm going to dive into your memories and see what's so special about this mud monkey!"

"Don't!"

* * *

_"Who… who did I torture? Who was the angel?" Dean asked. Castiel hesitated._

_'Cass… tell him,' Jimmy said._

_"They…" Castiel felt his mouth go dry. 'We?'_

_'Not we, Cass, you,' Jimmy said stubbornly._

_"He has forgiven you, Dean," Castiel said. "He has forgiven you."_

* * *

_"I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do," Castiel said and Anna turned her back to him._

_"Like the old days? No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself," Anna said. "You… I've seen you with him… how…"_

* * *

"You're hiding your memories from me!" Zachariah said, tugging on Castiel's grace harshly. "But no matter! I will find what you're hiding!"

* * *

_"Get in there and heal him. Miracle. Now," Sam ordered._

_"I can't," Castiel said._

_"You and Uriel put him in there-" Sam said._

_"No,"_

_"—because you can't keep a simple devil's trap together," Sam said._

* * *

_"This is too much to ask, __I__ know. But we have to ask it," Castiel said. He tried to relay that he really did know- that he did understand what they were asking- the cost to Dean… the cost to himself, but Dean didn't know that part. Dean surveyed Castiel for a moment and then turned back to Uriel._

_"I want to talk to Cass alone," Dean announced._

* * *

_"Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run to daddy?" Alastair said, sweeping Castiel's arm and pushing him onto the ground. He pinned Castiel to the ground and choked him as Uriel exorcised one of the demons._

_"Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferma, me confirma!" Alastair chanted. Dean hit Alastair with a crowbar, knocking him off of Castiel. Sam stared at his brother in disbelief and confusion, unsure of his brother's actions._

* * *

_Castiel knew the second Dean touched Anna. He knew the second Anna touched __Castiel's__ mark on Dean's shoulder. He knew the second Dean was in her. He wasn't sure which action hurt the most and he disappeared from Uriel's side without an explanation._

_'Cass...I'm so sorry,' Jimmy said._

_'I do not understand why I feel this way,' Castiel admitted to Jimmy._

_'You're in-'_

* * *

"Come on, Castiel! You can't keep this up forever!" Zachariah growled.

"I can try!" Castiel snapped.

* * *

_'I can't be in love with someone I want to… see suffer,' Castiel told Jimmy._

_'Cass… he-'_

* * *

_"I promise you, Dean Winchester, when I pull you out of Hell…" Castiel hissed. "I will make sure this part of you is left behind." Dean slapped him, sending him to the floor. He grabbed Castiel by his hair again and brought the breaking angel to the level of his dick._

Castiel managed to block the next part from Zachariah. Zachariah tightened his hand around Castiel's grace in anger. He grabbed a sword and gently scraped at Castiel's grace but it did the trick. Castiel screamed and lost his concentration.

_"Dean!" _

_"Come on, angel, we're just getting started," Dean smirked. Castiel swallowed and tensed when he felt the handle of the whip connect with his butt. Eventually, the spanking to his bottom switched between that and whippings on his back. Castiel cried out as he felt the harshness of the whip connect with his back._

_But he still wasn't bleeding._

_Dean grabbed his forearm and shoved him backwards against the wall before pushing harshly into him. Castiel cried out, tears escaping. He could feel the blood drip down his legs. He began sobbing, hiding his head from Dean. He felt a soft hand touch his cheek and he looked back at Dean, the Dean who was struggling to keep him from pain, the Dean he was sent to rescue him._

_"Have faith in me," Dean whispered. Castiel bit his lip, burying his head in the crook of Dean's arm that the hunter was using to give himself leverage. He gave into the feelings that Dean was giving him with a sick feeling in his gut._

_"Dean!"_

* * *

Zachariah pulled back out of shock, giving Castiel time to breath. Castiel was a sobbing mess of pain as he tried to collapse on the floor but couldn't because of the ropes holding him.

* * *

Dean and Sam walked down a dim lit corridor with flashlights, steam rising from the right for a brief moment.

"Well, what did he say, Dean? What was so important?" Sam asked.

"If I knew, would I be here?" Dean rolled his eyes.

Dean and Sam came up from the stairs, both taking sharp intakes of breath when they saw the state the room was in. The iron framework was twisted and sparks were flying from broken electricity lines.

"What the hell..." Dean said.

"Looks like a bomb went off," Sam commented.

"There was a fight here," Dean said.

"Between who?" Sam asked, avoiding a loose ring of sparks as they continued walking through the wreckage.

"Check it out," Dean said, flashing the wall on a sigil. "Look familiar?"

"Yeah, it does," Sam said.

"Anna used something like that to wish the angels back to the corn field," Dean remembered.

"So what...Cass was fighting angels?" Sam asked.

"I don't know," Dean said, seeing a body in a pile of rubble on the floor. "Sam." They rushed over to the body. "Cass? Cass! Hey, Cass... Dean and Sam reached Castiel's vessel. Dean nudged him.

"What's...what's going on?" he groaned.

"Just take it easy, take it easy," Dean said.

"Oh, n...no," he said.

"Cass, you okay?" Sam asked.

"Castiel...I'm not Castiel," he looked confused, sounding more human and frail. "It's me."

"Who's 'me'?" Sam asked.

"Jimmy. My name's Jimmy," he said.

"Where the hell is Castiel?" Dean demanded.

"He's gone," Jimmy said.

They had stopped to buy Jimmy food because the man's stomach was growling. Actually, they had bought him several hamburgers, which he had eaten very quickly. More accurately, he had devoured them down.

"Mmm," Jimmy said, enjoying his burger.

"You mind slowing down there? You're gonna give me angina," Dean said.

"I'm hungry," Jimmy shrugged.

"When's the last time you ate?" Sam asked.

"I dunno. Months," he took a drink from the straw with a quarter of a burger in his other hand. "Mmm...mmm."

"What the hell happened back there? I mean, it looked like an angel battle royal," Sam said.

"All I remember is there was a flash of light and I...ah, and I woke up and I was just like me again," Jimmy shrugged.

"So what, Cass just ditched out of your meat suit?" Dean demanded.

"I really dunno," Jimmy said.

"You remember anything about being possessed? Anything at all?" Sam pressed.

"Mm, bits and pieces, mean, angel being inside you, it's kinda like being chained to a comet," Castiel said but his gaze lingered on Dean, making him think that the man wasn't telling him anything.

"Well, that didn't sound like much fun," Dean said.

"Understatement," Jimmy countered.

"Cass said he wanted to tell us something. _Please_ tell me you remember that," Sam said.

"Sorry," he shook his head.

"Come on. What _do_ you know?" Dean asked, getting frustrated.

"My name is Jimmy Novak. I'm from Pontiac, Illinois. I have a family," Jimmy said.

"So what do we do?" Sam asked.

"What do you mean? The guys got a family. We buy him a bus ticket. Send him home," Dean said.

"I don't know about that. Dean, he's the only lead we got," Sam said.

"He doesn't know anything," Dean protested.

"Are you a hundred percent about that?"Sam asked.

"You think he's lying? What, you wanna go Guantanamo on the guy?" Dean asked.

"Dean, maybe he doesn't even know what he knows," Sam said.

"Huh?"

"I say at least we get him to Bobby's. Maybe all he needs i-is hypnosis, or a psychic or hell maybe Cas will just drop back into him," Sam said.

"I don't know man," he said reluctantly.

"Dean. Back there, there was angel on angel violence. Know, I don't know what's going on, but it's big and we can't just let the only lead we got just skip out," Sam said. Dean shook his head. "What?"

"Remember when our job was _helping_ people, like getting them _back_ to their families?" Dean asked.

"You think I don't wanna help him? I'm just being realistic. I mean, hell, we're doing him a favor," Sam said.

"How?" Dean asked, perplexed.

"Dean, if we wanna question the guy, you can damn well bet the demons do too," Sam said.

"What the hell you talking about I can't go home?" Jimmy demanded.

"There's a good chance you have a bulls eye on your back," Dean said.

"What? From who?" Dean looks back at Sam, then back at Jimmy.

"Demons," Dean said.

"Come on, that's crazy, what do they want with me?" Jimmy scoffed.

"I don't know, information maybe?" Dean shrugged.

"I. Don't. Know. Anything," Jimmy snarled.

"I know," Dean said.

"I'm done, okay, with demons, angels all of it. I just wanna go home," Jimmy said.

"We understand," Dean said.

"No, I don't think that you _do_ understand. I've been shot and stabbed and healed and my body's been dragged all over the earth. By some miracle I'm out and I am done. I've given enough, okay?" Jimmy spat.

"Look, all we're saying is that, until we figure this out, the safest place is with us," Sam said.

"How long?" Jimmy demanded.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Sam said.

"Great," he mumbled, walking past Dean.

"Where you going?" Dean demanded.

"To see my wife and daughter, okay?" Jimmy snapped.

"No, you're not" Sam pressed a hand pressed against Jimmy's chest and blocking the door. "You're just gonna put those people in danger."

"So what, now I'm a prisoner?"Jimmy demanded.

"Harsh way to put it," Sam said.

Jimmy was lying in bed on his side. He turned over in bed. He was pretty sure Dean was awake. Sam had left a few minutes ago. Jimmy sat up in bed, burying his face in his hands.

"You okay?" Dean asked.

"What do you think?" Jimmy snapped.

"Look man, I'm sorry," Dean said. "Want a beer?"

"No," Jimmy sighed. "Is all you do drink and have sex?"

"No. I kill monsters too," Dean said.

"You sound _so_ proud of yourself," Jimmy said, rolling his eyes.

"So you really don't know where Cass is?" Dean asked.

"Wow. You actually sound worried," Jimmy said.

"I am not!" Dean denied. Jimmy sneered.

"Being worried is the least you could do," Jimmy said. "After what you did…"

"I didn't do anything! His angel buddies did that!" Dean glared at him. "What happened to Mr. I-want-to-go-home?"

"I'm not talking about that!" Jimmy said.

"I should be grateful because he 'gripped me tight and raised me from Perdition' to throw me into the friggin' almost apocalypse?" Dean demanded. "Yeah, I'm sure I should be on my hands and knees, thanking him for everything!"

"It's your fault the apocalypse has been thrown into high gear anyways! You spilt the blood of an angel in Hell!" Jimmy shouted. "_You_ made Cass bleed! You _raped_ him!"

"I… I what? You're lying," Dean said but he didn't even look like he believed himself.

"No, Dean. I'm not," Jimmy said.

"I've never raped anyone! Never had to!" Dean said, smirking.

"Well you did and you're right! You didn't _have_ to. But you did!" Jimmy snapped.

"I don't remember raping anyone- let alone Cas!" Dean growled.

"That's because Castiel left that part of you back in Hell! Think about that the next time you ask him for something." Jimmy took his leave then and Dean sat on his bed numbly. He laid backwards on it, covering his face with his hands until he fell into a fitful sleep, trying to deny it.

But there was that one part of Hell he didn't remember and he couldn't deny there had been a part of him left in the Pit.

The words haunted him. He tried thinking, trying to jog his memory. He tried thinking of Hell and everything he did there- everything he could remember. He began shaking as the memories were brought up. God, he tortured souls over and over, and an angel- Cas-

Oh God, he'd tortured _Castiel_. And not just tortured. _Raped._

Castiel who cared about humanity.

_"You misunderstand me Dean, I'm not like you think, I was praying that you would choose to save the town," Castiel said._

_"You were?" Dean asked._

_"These people, they're all my father's creations. They're works of art, and yet, even though you stopped Samhain, the seal was broken and we are one step closer to hell on earth, for all creation. Now that's not an expression Dean. It's literal. You of all people should appreciate what that means," Castiel said, folding his hands and placing his chin on his hands. "Can I tell you something if you promise not to tell another soul?"_

_"Okay," Dean said, not sounding too sure._

_"I'm not a…hammer as you say, I have questions, I have doubts. I don't know what is right and what is wrong anymore, whether you passed or failed here. But in the coming months you will have more decisions to make, I don't envy the weight that's on your shoulders Dean. I truly don't," Castiel said._

Castiel who had pulled him out of _Hell_.

_"Anna, when did the voices start? Do you remember?"_

_"I can tell you exactly - September 18th," Anna said._

_"The day I got out of hell," Dean said._

_"First words I heard, clear as a bell- 'Dean Winchester is saved,'" Anna said._

Castiel who kept coming back to help no matter how much of a dick Dean was.

_"Why do you think I recruited you and Sam in the first place?" Castiel asked, looking at Dean._

_"You recruited us?" Dean frowned._

_"That wasn't your friend Bobby who called, Dean. It wasn't Bobby who told Sam about the seal," Castiel said._

_"That was you?" Dean asked. Castiel looked down. "If you want our help, why the hell didn't you just ask?"_

_"Because whatever I ask, you seem to do the exact opposite," Castiel said_.

Castiel who wanted him to be safe.

_"__For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this," Castiel said because that, he could manage to say._

_"You need to be more careful," Castiel chastised._

Castiel who _forgave_ him.

_"Who… who did I torture? Who was the angel?" Dean asked. Castiel hesitated._

_'Cass… tell him,' Jimmy said._

_"They…" Castiel felt his mouth go dry. 'We?'_

_'Not we, Cass, you,' Jimmy said stubbornly._

_"He has forgiven you, Dean," Castiel said. "He has forgiven you."_

He _tortured_ Castiel.

He _raped_ Castiel.

He hurt _Cass_.

For once, Dean went to sleep hoping that he'd dream of Hell.

* * *

"Hey guys,"

"Wow! Jesus!" Dean swerved his car in surprise when he heard Anna's voice.

"Smooth," Anna said.

"Ever try calling ahead?" Dean grumbled.

"I like the element of surprise," she said.

"Wow, you look terrific," Dean said, glancing into the mirror.

"Um, yeah, not the most appropriate time, Dean. You let Jimmy get away," Anna said.

"Talk to ginormo here," he shifted uncomfortably.

"Sam? You seem… different," Anna frowned.

"Me? What, huh, I dunno, a haircut?" Sam shrugged, panicking inwardly.

"That's not what I'm talking about. So, what'd Jimmy tell you? He remember anything?" she asked.

"Why, what's going on?" Dean asked.

"It's Cass. He got sent back home. Well, more like dragged back," Anna said.

"To heaven? That's not a good thing?" Dean asked.

"No. That's a very bad thing. Painfully, awfully bad. He must have seriously pissed someone off," Anna said.

"Cass said he had something to tell me, something important," Dean frowned. _'"_You_ made Cass bleed! You _raped _him!"'_

"What?" Anna asked.

"I don't know," Dean said.

"Does Jimmy know?" Anna asked.

"I don't think so," Dean said.

"You don't _think _so? Whatever it is, it's huge. You gotta find out for sure," Anna said.

"That's why we're going after Jimmy," Sam said.

"That's why you shouldn't have let him go in the first place. He's...probably dead already," Anna said.

And that made Dean step on the gas pedal faster.

* * *

Dean and Sam ran into Jimmy's house, knowing immediately something was wrong. Kicking the door open, they saw the demons. Dean pulled out the knife and cut the demon's throat, revealing a bright yellow light on the wound. The demon on Jimmy saw and began to leave but Sam reached outwards toward the demon, holding her in her place.

"Go, get him out of here!" Sam urged.

"Go! Go!" Dean said.

"Aw, can't get it up. Can ya Sam?" the female demon asked.

"No but I can," Dean said, lunging at the woman with a knife but the demon fled the body, black smoke leaving through her mouth.

"Come on, come on, come on, come on," Dean said. "Where's your wife?"

"We're here," Amelia said.

"Let's go," Dean ordered, ushering everyone into the Impala before speeding off.

Amelia and Claire were sleeping in a car and Jimmy, Sam, and Dean were outside talking.

"You were right," Jimmy said.

"Sorry we were," Dean said.

"But I'm telling you, I don't know anything," Jimmy pleaded.

"I don't think they're inclined," Dean said.

"And even if they did, you're a vessel. They're still gonna wanna know what makes you tick," Sam said.

"Which means vivisection, if they're felling generous," Dean said.

"I'm gonna tell you once again. You're putting your family in danger. You have to come with us," Sam said and Jimmy looked back at the car where his family was sleeping.

"How long? And don't give me that, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it crap," Jimmy said.

"Don't you get it? Forever. The demons 'll never stop. You can never be with your family. So you either get as far away from them as possible, or you put a bullet in your head, and that's how you keep your family safe, but there's no getting out and there's no going home," Sam said.

"Well don't sugar coat it Sam," Dean rolled his eyes.

"I'm just telling him the truth, Dean. Someone has to," Sam snapped and he didn't notice his brother tense up.

Jimmy opened the back door of the car and crouched down to speak to his wife.

"Hey, so, I pretty much owe you the biggest apology ever," Amelia smiled.

"No you don't," Jimmy shook his head.

"Yes. I do. I'm so sorry Jimmy, and I will never ever forgive myself for letting you walk out that door," Amelia said.

"Well, you did what any rational person would a done. I mean, hell, I thought I was crazy half the time," Jimmy said, glad when that brought a smile to Amelia's face.

"So, demons, huh?" Amelia said.

"Yeah," Jimmy said and they both shared a laugh.

"Can we… Can we even go home? Or...What are we gonna do?" Amelia asked.

"These boys are gonna get you a car, don't ask me how, and you're gonna take Claire to Carl and Sally's as fast as you can," Jimmy said.

"Wait. What about you?" she asked and Jimmy looked away, down at the ground. "No, I'm not going anywhere without you, Jimmy."

"Listen to me. Every moment that I'm with you, you and Clair are in danger," Jimmy pleaded with her, begging her to understand. He didn't know how to explain to her that there was more to it than that. He didn't know how else to explain that the angel that inhibited his body was in love with one of the men not even twenty feet away from them. He didn't know how to explain that same man was beginning to fall in love with the angel and fighting inside with himself or that he had raped Jimmy's body and Castiel.

"I don't care. We are not splitting up again," Amelia said firmly.

"We don't have a choice," Jimmy said.

"For how long?" Amelia wanted to know.

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it," Jimmy said, feeding her the line Sam had fed to him earlier.

"We're family," Amelia protested.

"They will kill you, Amelia and they'll kill Claire. You just have to get as far away from me as you can," Jimmy pleaded.

Dean stood in front of the car, glancing as Jimmy hugged Amelia as she began to cry. Dean looked and walked away.

"Give them a moment," Dean said.

About ten minutes later, Sam was hotwiring a car for Amelia and Claire, touching two bare red wires together inside a car. The car started up.

"Okay, so um, here's your car," Sam said.

"Hey. Take care of your mom, okay bub?"Jimmy bent over to press his forehead against Claire's. He then stood straight and walks over to Amelia, pauses a brief moment but then walks to Dean's Impala. Dean, Sam, and Jimmy all get in and Dean starts the car and drives off leaving Amelia and Clair behind.

"Why is he leaving again?" Claire asked. Amelia didn't answer but when she looked at Claire, her eyes turned back and she slapped Claire.

"This is just not my day is it? You little bitch," the demon sneered.

* * *

"What the hell happened back there?" Dean demanded once Jimmy looked like he was sleeping.

"What?" Sam asked.

"You practically fainted trying to gank a demon," Dean snapped.

"Okay. I didn't faint. I got a little dizzy," Sam protested.

"Well you can call it whatever you want. Point is, you used to be strong enough to kill Alastair. Now you can't even kill, ah, stunt demon number three?" Dean asked.

"What do you want me to say about it Dean?" Sam said.

"Well for starters, what's going on with your mojo. I mean, it's yo-yoing all over the place. I'm not trying to pick a fight here okay, I just, y...you're scaring me man," Dean said.

"I'm scaring myself," Sam revealed. A cell phone rang and Sam answered it. "Hello. Who is this? Hey, it's your wife." He handed the phone back to Jimmy.

"Amelia," Jimmy said. "Oh my god."

"Alright, they're expecting you to come alone, and that's exactly what you're going to do," Dean said.

"We'll work our way through the catwalks. We'll be right behind you," Sam promised.

"All you gotta do is stay calm and stall, let us do our job," Dean said.

"You want me to stay calm? This is my family we're talking about!" Jimmy said.

"Listen to me, this will work. You understand? Nobody's gonna get hurt," Dean tried to sooth him.

"Whatever. Give me a minute, okay?" Jimmy left, headed towards the building.

"There's no way they're expecting him to come alone, Dean. You know this is probably a trap?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I know. That's why I have a plan," Dean said.

"Castiel, you sonuvabitch, you promised my family would be okay! You promised you were gonna take care of them! I gave you everything you asked me to give! I gave you more! This is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your heaven? Help me please! You promised, Cas," Jimmy said, voice turning into helpless begging now, "Just help me! Typical." He shook his head and walked into the building.

"Hi, honey. You're home," the demon possessing Amelia smiled. Claire was tied up to a chair next to Amelia.

"Listen I'm- I'm begging you here. You d... do whatever you want with me. But my wife and daughter, they're just not a part of this," Jimmy begged.

"Oh they're a big part of this, Jimmy. And P.S., you shoulda come alone," the demon said.

"I _am_ alone," Jimmy said.

"Oh, you're such a liar. Like I didn't think you'd bring Heckle and Jeckle," She approached Jimmy and Jimmy looked behind himself as Sam and Dean brought in. One demon held Dean's arm, and Sam was held by two demons, one at each side.

"Nice plan Dean," Sam sneered.

"Yeah, well, already bagged a thousand," Dean snapped.

"Got a knife?" the demon asked and another possessed female showed it to her. "And you know what's funny?"

"You wearing a soccer mom," Dean said.

"Is I was actually bummed to get this detail, picking up an empty vessel. Sorta like a milk run. Now look who landed in my lap," the demon said.

"Yeah, well, you got us. Okay. Let these people go," Sam said.

"Oh, Sam, it's easy to have shivers when your Wonder Girl powers aren't working, huh?" the demons smirked and Dean looked over at Sam. "Now for the punch line. Everybody dies." She pointed a loaded gun at Sam now. She turned around casually and shot Jimmy in the gut.

"Ah!" Jimmy knelt to the floor in pain. Dean looked shocked as Jimmy held his bleeding side.

"Waste little orphan Annie," she said to a male demon and he walked toward Claire. Amelia walked behind Dean and Sam as the demon passed Jimmy. The male demon continued toward Claire. He grabbed a metal pipe but when he goes to strike Claire, she touched his head, he screamed and yellow light bursts out of his eyes and mouth. Dean and Sam start to fight with the demons holding them. The ropes holding Claire to the chair suddenly incinerate at the middle and fall from her. Jimmy looked at his daughter and she looked back at him.

"Castiel," Jimmy choked. Sam and Dean continue to fight and wrestle with the demons. Sam managed to grab the knife from the blond female demon. Claire approached the demon Dean is fighting and touched its head, making it light up and scream. Sam nicked the demon he's holding down with the knife and began sucking her demon blood. Sam's mouth is full of blood, and he looks like an animal as he looked at Dean now. After a moment's stare, he looked back at the demon and thrusts the knife into her chest. Red and yellow sparks flew out where the knife hit and she moaned. Sam got off the demon now stood before Dean who looks terrified. Sam reached out his hand and Dean, frightened, stepped aside. He began using his powers to make the black demonic cloud come out of her it and sinks to the floor like a fog around her feet. Dean ran over to help Amelia up.

Castiel walked over to Jimmy, running Claire's hand through Jimmy's hair.

"Of course we keep our promises. Of course you have our gratitude. You served us well. Your work is done. It's time to go home now. To your real home. You'll rest forever in the fields of the lord," Castiel said in Claire's body.

"No," Jimmy choked.

"Rest now Jimmy," Castiel said.

"No, Claire," Jimmy begged.

"She's with me now. She chose it. It's in her blood as it was in yours," Castiel said.

"Please Castiel. I need you to take me, take me please," Jimmy begged. Dean and Amelia approached Castiel and Jimmy first and then Sam did.

"I wanna make sure you understand. You won't die, or age. This last year was painful for you picture a hundred, a thousand more like it," Castiel said.

"It doesn't matter, take me, just take me," Jimmy said.

"As you wish," Castiel said and touched Jimmy's cheeks. A light emerges from his mouth and eyes. Amelia looks frightened. Then the light goes away and Claire and Jimmy gasp. Castiel gets up, now possessing Jimmy's body again. Castiel walked by Amelia who spared a glance at the angel possessing her husband and then went to comfort Claire.

"Cas, hold up," Dean said. Castiel stopped and turned around. "I… I think I know what you were going to tell me."

"And what would that be, Dean?" Castiel asked.

"Jimmy told me," Dean said.

"Jimmy shouldn't have remembered," Castiel frowned, not taking a step back like a human would as Dean made his way towards Castiel. Dean seemed to hesitate before he threw his arms around the angel. Castiel tensed before slowly hugging Dean back.

"Well he did," Dean swallowed. "And I'm glad he did. Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"Dean, I tried-"

"Cas, I'm sorry," Dean said. "I'm fucking sorry, okay? And if it makes you feel better you can-"

"Dean," Castiel frowned, pushing Dean back slightly. "I do not think we are talking about the same thing anymore but first, I think we need to do something about your brother."


	7. Chapter 7

ThanksSusangel, nMu, Shadow Cat17, fire dragonheart, Shiba, and OvertlyConcealed for reviewing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural.

* * *

**4.20 The Rapture**

"Alright, let's hear it," Sam said.

"What?" Dean said.

"About Castiel- is he sleeping?" Sam frowned.

"Maybe," Dean said, glancing at the angel whose head was tilted to the side and his eyes were closed.

"What was with the hug?" Sam asked.

"I was worried about him. I hugged him. Big whoop," Dean said. "It's not like it's the end of the world." Sam winced at the poor joke.

"Come on Dean, the only time you hug me is after I came back to life, after you came back to life, when we almost die and that's only for maybe a minute. You didn't let go of Castiel. You were practically holding hands the whole way-"

"We were not!" Dean growled. "Now drop it." They sat in silence for awhile before Sam couldn't stand it.

"Drop the bomb man, you saw what I did, come on, stop the car, take a swing," Sam said.

"I'm not gonna take a swing," Dean said.

"Then scream. Chew me out," Sam said.

"I'm not mad Sam," Dean said.

"Come on, you're not mad?" Sam asked.

"Nope," Dean said, shaking his head.

"Right. Look, at least let me explain myself," Sam said.

"Don't. I don't care," Dean said.

"You don't care?" Sam asked doubtfully.

"What do you want me to say, that I'm disappointed? Yeah, I am. But mostly I'm just tired, man. I'm done. I am just done," Dean said and Sam's phone began ringing.

"Hey Bobby," Sam said.

"Hey, you and your brother better shag ass to my place ASAP," Bobby said.

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

"The apocalypse, genius. Now get your asses over here," Bobby said and Sam hung up the phone.

"What'd he say?" Dean asked.

"Well thanks for shaking the tale, then he died," Bobby said, opening the door to the panic room. Castiel had left when they reached the house, after promising Dean in hushed whispers he'd be back soon."Now go on inside, I wanna show you something."

"Alright. So ah, what's the big demon problem?" Sam asked.

"You are. This is for your own good," Bobby said and then he and Dean shut the iron door. Sam looked through the iron barred rectangle window of the door and Bobby closed it.

"Guys? Hey, come here, guys. This isn't funny. Guys! Hey! Guys!" Sam shouted.

* * *

**4.21- When the Levee Breaks**

"Well, it's about time. I've been screaming myself hoarse out here for about two and a half hours now," Dean said, giving Castiel a small smile to show him he'd been joking. Castiel didn't seem to get the joke.

"What do you want?" Castiel asked, not meaning for his words to come out as harshly as they did.

"_He's joking, Cas. That's him saying he missed you and was worried," Jimmy supplied._

Dean winced and Castiel wanted to correct himself but Dean beat him to talking.

"You can start with what the hell happened in Illinois," Dean said.

"What do you mean?" Castiel asked.

"Cut the crap. You were gonna tell me something," Dean said. "And… I was going to…"

"Well, nothing of import,"

"You got ass-reamed in heaven but it was not of import?" Castiel winced.

"Dean, I can't. I'm sorry. Get to the reason you really called me. It's about Sam, right?"

"Can he do it? Kill Lilith, stop the apocalypse?"

"Possibly, yes. But as you know, he'd have to take certain steps,"

"Crank up the hell-blood regimen,"

"Consuming the amount of blood it would take to kill Lilith would change your brother forever. Most likely, he would become the next creature that you would feel compelled to kill. There's no reason this would have to come to pass, Dean. We believe it's you, Dean, not your brother. The only question for us is whether you're willing to accept it. Stand up and accept your role. You are the one who will stop it,"

"If I do this, Sammy doesn't have to?"

"If it gives you comfort to see it that way,"

"God, you're a dick these days," Dean walked a few steps away and sighed.

"Fine, I'm in,"

"You give yourself over wholly to the service of God and his angels?" Castiel asked.

"No," Dean said.

"What? Dean-" Castiel frowned.

"I give myself to you. You. Not God or his other angels. You, Castiel, angel of… what are you the angel of?" Dean asked.

"Thursday," Castiel said.

"You're the angel of Thursday?" Dean asked. Castiel raised an eyebrow, showing Dean he wasn't amused.

"Is there something amusing about that?" Castiel asked.

"Why Thursday?" Dean asked.

"It was the day I pulled you out of Hell," Castiel stated.

"Oh,"

"Yes,"

"Well, I, Dean Winchester, give myself wholly to Castiel, angel of the Lord, and angel of… Thursday," Dean said. "God and his other angels. Just the one in front of me." He approached Castiel and cupped the angel's left side of his face with his right hand.

"Dean…" Castiel swallowed.

"I'm never going to hurt you like that again," Dean said.

_"Dean," Castiel frowned, pushing Dean back slightly. "I do not think we are talking about the same thing."_

"Dean… just what did Jimmy tell you?" Castiel swallowed. _"Jimmy?"_

"_I didn't know if you were coming back, okay?" _Jimmy swallowed too, trying to push his subconscious down so Castiel could have a more private moment with Dean.

"_Jimmy… it's your body. I can tell him to stop. I can make him stop," Castiel said._

"_Cas, you got to stop making excuses. You love him. It's time to start healing," _Jimmy pushed himself down further, leaving Dean and Castiel alone with only a small spark of himself in his body. Castiel shook under Dean's hand and Dean paused just inches away from Castiel's face.

"Is this okay?" Dean whispered. Castiel licked his lips, swallowing again. Dean took Castiel not pushing him away as an invitation. He leaned in slowly and brushed his lips against Castiel's. Castiel took a startled step backwards, pushing against Dean's chest to make space between them, staring at Dean with wide eyes.

"Cas-" Dean said but the angel disappeared. "Damn it!"

* * *

Sam got up and looked in the mirror; dark red veins spread across his face.

"Guys! Help!" Sam shouted. "Bobby! Dean! Help! Hey! Hey! Guys! Guys! Help! Dean!"

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you willingly signed up to be the angel's bitch?" Bobby asked and Dean gave him a look.

"I'm sorry. You prefer 'sucker'? After everything you said about them, now you trust them?"

"It's Cas," Dean said.

"What?"Bobby frowned, not understanding Dean's logic.

"He's not going to let Sammy become a demon," Dean said.

"I'd say I see your point but I _don't_," Bobby said.

"You hear that?" Dean frowned.

"Yeah, that's a little too much nothing," Bobby said. Dean and hurried to the basement and threw open the window in the door. Sam was on the floor of the panic room, having a seizure.

"What if he's faking?" Dean asked.

"You really think he would?" Bobby frowned.

"I think he'd do anything," Dean said. Sam was slammed against the wall by an invisible force.

"That ain't faking," Bobby said. They threw open the door and chargde in to get Sam pinned down to the cot.

"We're gonna have to tie him down for his own safety. Dean? You with me? Dean! Before he has another fit," Bobby insisted.

"Yeah, yeah. Let's just get it over with," Dean said.

* * *

Sam's eyes fluttered open. His breathing wasn't as heavy as it had been before when he was having his fit, Dean noted. Sam realized he was chained to the bed and he sat up, looking at Dean with questioning eyes.

"We had to. The demon blood was flinging you all over the room. Tell me something, Sam. Why did you do this to yourself?" Dean asked.

"You know why," Sam said.

"Right. 'Kill Lilith'. The big excuse. But why? What, revenge? Right?" Dean asked.

"Of course," Sam said.

"Revenge for what? For sending me to hell? Did you happen to notice I'm back? Alive and kicking. So what's the point?" Dean asked.

"_Point?_ How about 'stop the damn apocalypse'?" Sam demanded of an empty room.

"My gig. Not yours. The angels said so, remember? God picked me, man. So you got any other fantastic excuses? Hmm?" "Dean" asked.

* * *

"I'm gonna ask one more time. Are we absolutely sure we're doing the right thing?" Bobby asked.

"Bobby, you saw what was happening to him down there. The demon blood is killing him," Dean said.

"No, it isn't. We are," Bobby said.

"What?" Dean asked.

"I'm sorry. I can't bite my tongue any longer. We're killing him. Keeping him locked up down there. This cold-turkey thing isn't working. If—if he doesn't get what he needs, soon, Sam's not gonna last much longer," Bobby said.

"No. I'm not giving him demon blood. I won't do it," Dean shook his head.

"And if he dies?"Bobby asked.

"Then at least he dies human!" Dean snapped.

"Dean," Castiel said, appearing next to Dean and Bobby. Both men jumped. "We need to talk."

"Sure, what's up, Cas?" Dean asked.

"In private," Castiel said.

"Oh, uh, sure. Come on," Dean said, leading Castiel into an empty room. "Are you okay? You uh, kind of disappeared back there-" Castiel cut Dean off there, pushing him against the desk. Castiel hesitated before pushing his lips to Dean's. There was something frantic about this kiss- Dean could barely respond and keep up with the angel. There was nothing gentle about the kiss. Dean tried keeping up, tried taking control of the kiss to make it gentler.

Castiel was having none of it.

His hand tightened warningly on Dean's waist and shoulder in a display of dominance. Castiel took control of the kiss again, refusing to let it be gentle. Dean let him. He didn't respond with a desperate, rough kiss of his own. He barely even managed to kiss back with the way Castiel was kissing him.

Finally, Castiel broke the kiss and Dean looked at him with patient eyes, similar to the ones he used on Sammy when the boy had had a nightmare. Castiel hesitated again before pressing his lips gently to Dean's.

There was nothing rough about this kiss. There was nothing dirty about this kiss. There was only a gentle pressing of lips.

Dean swallowed when Castiel pulled away, looking as if he didn't know what he wanted- as if Dean wasn't what he expected.

"Lilith is the final seal," Castiel said. "I have to go."

* * *

The cuff on Sam's left arm snapped open, then his left ankle, then the other two. The door opened. Sam sat up, staring in confusion. He knew he didn't open t he door but he didn't know he did.

"Hello?" Sam asked. When no one answered, he got up and slipped out the door. "Someone here?" Sam hurried quietly out of the basement without noticing Zachariah behind the stairs. From a distance, Zachariah closed and locked the panic room door.

* * *

"Dean, Sam's not in the panic room!" Bobby said.

"How the hell did he get out?" Dean growled.

"Maybe he had help. Room full of busted devil's traps," Bobby said.

"Demons? Ruby," Dean said.

"That'd be my guess," Bobby said.

"How did she even touch the door?" Dean growled.

"You think she's got the mojo?" Bobby asked.

"I didn't think so. I don't know, man," Dean said.

"What difference does it make? How he got gone ain't as important as where he got gone to," Bobby said.

"Well, I'll tell you one thing. At this point I hope he's with Ruby," Dean sneered.

"Why?" Bobby asked.

"'Cause killing her is the next item on my to-do list," Dean said.

"I thought you were on call for angel duty," Bobby said.

"I am on call. In my car, on my way to murder the bitch," Dean snapped, leaving the room.

"One thing," Bobby said.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Sam don't wanna be found, which means he's gonna be damn near impossible to find," Bobby said.

"Yeah, we'll see," Dean said, going outside. "Cas!" After ten minutes, he gave up and walked back inside.

"Police found my car. Abandoned in an alley in Jamestown, North Dakota," Bobby said, wisely not commenting on Castiel's lack of appearance.

"He's switching up. Any other cars stolen in Jamestown?" Dean asked.

"Two. 1999 Honda Civic, blue. Nice and anonymous, like Sam likes," Bobby said.

"What was the other one?" Dean asked.

"White oh-five Escalade with custom rims. It's a neon sign," Bobby said.

"You're right. He'd never take that. Which is exactly what he did," Dean said.

"You think?" Bobby asked.

"I know that kid. All right, I'll head in that direction. You stay here, ride the police databases. We gotta find him quick," Dean said.

* * *

"Your appetite's gotten much bigger," Ruby said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked, suddenly defensive.

"Sam, relax. It's okay. It's good. Just means you're getting stronger, that's all. It means you're strong enough to kill Lilith. Just in time, too, because the final seals are breaking," Ruby said.

"How many are left?" Sam asked.

"Three...two..." Ruby counted down.

"What? Where are the angels?" Sam asked.

"Screwing the pooch, wherever they are. The point is, it's looking more and more like we're getting down to the final seal. And I found out something big," Ruby said.

"What?" Sam asked.

"Seal sixty-six. It can't be broken by just any demon. Apparently, only Lucifer's first can do it," Ruby said.

"Lucifer's first?" Sam asked.

"Demon Sunday School story. God prefers humans to angels. Lucifer gets jealous and then he gets creative. And he twists and tempts a human soul into the very first demon as a 'screw you' to God. It's what got him locked up in the first place," Ruby said.

"That was Lilith?" Sam asked.

"She's way older than she looks," Ruby responded.

"Wait. So if Lilith is the only one who can break the final seal, if I get to her in time-" Sam said.

"Then Lucifer never busts out of his cage. Exactly," Ruby smiled.

"Great. You figure out where she is?" Sam asked.

"The bitch can hide. But I finally have a lead on someone who might be able to help us. I closed in on a member of Lilith's entourage. You might call her a personal chef," Ruby said.

"Chef? Seriously? What does she eat?" Sam asked.

"You don't wanna know," Ruby said.

"So our demon gourmet nurse. You sure?" Sam asked.

"She'll be there. Graveyard shift tomorrow night. Meantime, if you're gonna be strong enough to kill Lilith, you're gonna need more than I can give you now," Ruby said and Sam sighed. "Sam. Come on. It's okay."

"I know I need more. I get it. I know its okay. I just—I wish he'd trusted me, you know?" Sam asked.

"Sorry," Ruby said.

"I just hope...you know, when all this is over...I hope we can fix things," Sam said.

* * *

"Cops found the Escalade in a ditch outside Elk River," Bobby said.

"How far away am I?" Dean asked.

"A couple of hours. I pulled up a weather map, made some calls. There's a town not far from there, Cold Spring. Lighting up with demon sign," Bobby said.

"A good place to look," Dean said.

"Hey, listen," Bobby said.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Us finding Sam? It's gotta be about getting him back, not pushing him away," Bobby said.

"Right," Dean said.

"I know you're mad, Dean. I understand. You got a right to be, but I'm just saying. Be good to him anyway. You gotta get through to him," Bobby said.

"Hey, Bobby… you, uh, hear anything from Cas?" Dean asked.

"Hasn't showed up around here," Bobby said.

"Right. Thanks," Dean said and hung up the phone.

* * *

Castiel waited in Bobby's yard, slightly tense and torn between feeling liberated and worried.

"You… you just have to be a pain in my side, don't you Castiel? I thought that beating did it for you, made you understand. Apparently it didn't work," Zachariah said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Castiel said.

"Michael isn't happy with you either, you know. Telling Dean Lilith is the final seal… honestly, Castiel! I know he's your boyfriend and all but… well, I didn't want to have to resort to this," Zachariah said.

"Neither did I," Castiel said, circling around the tree and pressing his bloody hand against the sigil he had drawn previously, banishing both of them and the angels around them.

* * *

Sam left the motel room. Dean watched as brother leave the motel room, hidden from his site. Ruby was still in the room. She turned and her eyes widened when she saw Dean. Dean growled and rushed forward, punching Ruby and drawing her knife from his pocket.

"No! Let her go! Just take it easy!" Sam said, pushing Dean off of Ruby and wrestling the knife away from Dean.

"Well, it must've been some party you two had going, considering how hard you tried to keep me from crashing it. Well, solid try, but here I am," Dean snarled.

"Dean, I'm glad you're here. Look. Let's just talk about this," Sam said.

"Soon as she's dead, we can talk all you want," Dean sneered.

"Ruby, get out of here," Sam said.

"No, she's not going anywhere," Dean protested but Ruby made her escape.

"She's poison, Sam," Dean said.

"It's not what you think, Dean," Sam said.

"Look what she did to you. I mean, she up and vanishes weeks at a time, leaves you cracking out for another hit-" Dean sneered.

"She was looking for Lilith," Sam protested.

"That is French for manipulating your ass ten ways from Sunday," Dean snapped.

"You're wrong, Dean," Sam said.

"Sam, you're lying to yourself. I just want you to be okay. You would do the same for me. You know you would," Dean said.

"Just listen," Sam said, raising his hand and then he realized he was still holding Ruby's knife from when he took it from Dean, and tossed the knife on the bed. "Just listen for a second. We got a lead on a demon close to Lilith. Come with us, Dean. We'll do this together."

"That sounds great. As long as it's you and me. Demon bitch is a dealbreaker. You kiss her goodbye, we can go right now," Dean said.

"I can't," Sam said. Dean turned away with a nod.

"I'm the only one who can do this, Dean," Sam said. "Right, that's right, I forgot. The angels think it's _you_."

"You don't think I can?" Dean asked.

"No. You can't. You're not strong enough," Sam said.

"Who are you?" Dean asked.

"I'm being practical here. I'm doing what needs to be done," Sam said.

"Yeah? You're not gonna do a single damn thing," Dean snapped.

"Stop bossing me around, Dean. Look. My whole life, you take the wheel, you call the shots, and I trust you because you are my brother. Now I'm asking you, for once, trust me," Sam said.

"No. You don't know what you're doing, Sam," Dean said.

"Yes, I do," Sam said.

"And what're you doing?" Dean asked.

"Finding a way to kill Lilith!" Sam snapped.

"_Kill her_? What, your little whore didn't tell you she's the final seal?"


End file.
